DEAR MOM...I Am So Ashamed...

Dear Mom,

I am so ashamed of myself.  I liked this guy for so long and when he finally asked me to hook up I was so excited.  We got together a few times and it was everything I had hoped for all this time. I thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend since I assumed we were exclusive these past 4 weeks. Last week he wanted more than a simple hook up.  He wanted to have sex.  I really liked him so I decided to have sex with him.  The sex was quick and he was selfish.  He didn't care about my pleasure at all and when I told him it hurt he told me he'd be done in a minute.  I just laid there at that point and what seemed like forever was less than 5 minutes.  When HE was done he said thanks, cleaned up and took me home.  I've tried to talk to him since and he is always busy.  I think he used me.  I am so ashamed of myself.  I have only had sex with one other guy and that was after dating him for 8 months.  If my rents knew they would kill me!  They have no idea I've ever even had sex so please don't tell me to talk to them.  They think I'll never have sex.  Please help me out.  I just don't want to feel this way anymore.  I'm 17 and he's 20 and I just feel so used.

Please help,

G

Dear G.,

First let me say I am so sorry you got hurt in all this.  It's a very tough lesson.  Don't be ashamed.  That solves nothing!  It only continues the hurt.  Every parent hopes their kids will wait till they find love to have sex.  Don't count them out.  You might just find your mother hasn't figured out how to approach the subject with you.  Now I don't know your parents but if they seem approachable maybe talk this over with your Mother. 

I would have to say that you won't be hearing from Mr. Romance again.  He wanted to have sex and he did and he sounds like he's moved on.  He was selfish and uncaring if he continued even when he knew you were uncomfortable and hurting.  He sounds like a real gem!  Someone you want to stay away from anyway at this point.

I hope to God you used protection.  I don't care how much you like someone always use protection and make sure even if you are on the pill you use a condom.  Preferably one you supply! 

I understand you feel used and ashamed but dwelling on what happened will not make it go away.  You've learned a very costly lesson but learn from it.  Take the time to get to know someone before having sex.  If they pressure you or threaten to break up then they aren't the one you should be with.  Sex should be with someone you love.  Both partners should care about the others feelings.  Both partners should be comforable.  This guy was simply a jerk!

Don't beat yourself up anymore.  We all make mistakes.  Most of us can name at least one guy we just shouldn't have been with at all.  Move on and make better decisions from now on.  If he really likes you...he'll wait no matter how long it takes for you to be comfortable with the idea and he certainly would care about your feelings.  Just move forward and do better next time. 

No one says you have to have sex just cause you like him.  Take all the time you need to decide and be sure it's the best decision for you!  Now I wouldn't be a MOM if I didn't say I'd prefer you wait until you've been in a relationship a good long time and you are in love!  Sex with someone you love is a beautiful thing...it's more than physical...it's showing someone you love them with all that you are.

Don't count your Mother out yet.  Approach her gently and see what happens.  You might just be surprised.  Afterall she was 17 once too!  If you need me...I'm right here!

Big Hugs,

MOM