Devastating News For My Son

Today is a very sad day here at our house.  My son is having a very hard time dealing with a horrible situation.  My son's friend took his own life late yesterday afternoon.  The child was only 21.  He hung himself in his family's home.

We got the call about 6:30PM.  My son was @ work.  I told my husband I would go to my sons work and tell him face to face.  I didn't want him to hear from someone else.  When I got there I learned he had already found out and had gone home.

This boy was a friend of my son in high school.  They played on the same baseball team for years.  Now anyone who knows my son knows he lives and breathes sports even now.  This boy traveled a much different path than my son after high school.  He got in trouble, did alot of drugs and gave his Dad a real run for his money.

Now we've heard over the years of his struggles to find the right path and we knew his Dad finally had to show him some tough love.  About 2 weeks ago my son heard from B after not hearing from him for some time.  He sent him an email that broke my heart and touched my son in a way that shook him. B said that he had moved back home with his Dad after some time on his own. B sent an email asking my son to hang out more.  B told my son he wanted to be more like him and told him that he's always looked up to my son for being so real.  He wanted to play on the adult baseball team and football teams my son runs and was willing to do whatever was needed to be part of the group again.  He needed that.  He needed to be around guys who were clean cut and had direction in their lives. The email went on and on and made me cry.  It was such a touching email and an affirmation that my son had the power to touch someone's life so directly.

My son emailed him back and told him he was here for him and welcomed him to the team.  He didn't know where they could get him in but it would be somewhere.  They sent a few texts back and forth and he was to show up at this weeks game. 

Apparently B. had something occur in his life that overwhelmed him and he just lost touch with reality and took his own life.  He posted a message on facebook right before the horror.  It said "I love you all.  I am so sorry."  Now I don't want to speculate what it was but I have a feeling it has to do with his girlfriend.

All I could do is sit here with my son last night and be quiet.  He would talk a little and then watch Tv.  We did this all night long.  My son is just having a hard time understanding what could be so bad that tomorrow couldn't fix.  He is devastated. He is questioning what more he could have done and why he didn't see it coming.  He's asking me for answers.  All I can tell him is that B was trying to get his life together.  He was working the program but something must have set him off.  Something that overtook his senses at least for awhile.  I told him that in order for someone to take his own life they could not have been in the right state of mind at the time.

I hate these times as my kids grow older that Mommy can't fix it anymore.  I can't mend this one.  I can't fight this battle for him...there is no one to fight.  All I can do is be here for my son while he struggles through one of life's hazards.  Caring comes with battle scars sometimes.  This is one of those battles.

I have no doubt my son will get through this and I promise to be at his side holding his hand all the way.  Wiping his tears if need be.  My heart bleeds for B's Dad.  He has raised him from infancy alone.  The birth mother walked years ago and handed him his son when they were only teenagers.  He was a great Dad.  All the guys are rallying around him...they are giving him the only comfort they know how to give.  They are sharing their hearts with him.

Please say a prayer for B's family.  They need them so much to get through this.  Make sure you stress to all the young people you know that nothing is that bad that the only answer is to take your own life.  I plan on reminding all my kids and their friends that I am always here for them no matter what.  I don't ever want to have to hear again that someone felt so alone in that moment that they could find no other way out of their misery.