A Face Only a Mother Could Love

This is a face only a mother could love and I DO love that face.  This is my son Billy last Halloween.  Everyone was dressing up and he didn't know what to wear.  Outfit from Goodwill...$6...hair....$9...memories...PRICELESS!!!

I warned him I would post this picture and he bet I wouldn't---never bet against the MOM!!!  Isn't he a cutie!!!

My Kids Are No Longer Starving

My kids are no longer starving!!  Yeahhhhhh!  My children have been walking around for days moping and complaining that they are on the verge of starvation.  No it's not because we have no food.  OUR MICROWAVE DIED I'm sure from overuse.  It finally couldn't take the abuse and bit the bullet.

Hubby has been grilling alot and he always makes sure there are leftovers since we seem to have kids who are night owls since college is out for the summer.  My 18 year old was caught trying to reheat a burger in the toaster cause he had no idea how to reheat without his friendly microwave.  Hubby told him to throw it on a frying pan and just let it go a minute or 2 and voila. Or turn the oven on...who would have thought. The kid looked at him like he was the smartest man in the world!!!  OMG!!!

Since we are always on the go it has become a lifeline for my poor underfed kids.  Amazing that my mom survived raising us without one!  I finally bit the bullet and got one yesterday and the look on my kids faces was as if I got them a new puppy.  They are trying to figure out a name for it-- they are in love!

Sad but true...I have created monsters.  At least they will eat again!

My Mother My Friend Part One

My Mother My Friend

Now that Mother’s Day is over and I can do this without breaking down I thought I would try to tell all of you about my greatest supporter for so many years.

My Mom didn’t have a very easy life after marrying my Dad.  Dad was one of those men who never really learned to tell the people that he loved how he felt.  He thought he showed it well enough by being a good provider and being faithful.  My Mom spent many years hoping that Dad would just let his guard down and just enjoy life once in awhile but that never happened.  My parents remained married but separated in 1981.  They continued to love one another but it was impossible for them to live together because my Mom needed more respect than my Dad was capable of giving.  When Dad got sick in 1990 it was Mom who took care of him and he rallied.  Again in 1992 Dad got really sick and Mom moved his butt into her house and took an early retirement to care for him full time.  We all tried to take turns but he got very emotional when she was out of site so she gave up her position as a nurse supervisor and took care of him on her own.  Dad hadn’t said very many nice things to her over the years and when he got sick he lost the ability to speak but somehow he got his point across to her that he loved her and appreciated her finally!  It was kind of like charades and they were the only ones who knew how to play correctly.  The rest of us were often frustrated by trying to understand what he wanted to say but not Mom.

My Mom was always the Mom who took in all the strays.  People that is!  We would bring home anyone who needed a little TLC and she was all over that!  I remember bringing home a boyfriend who was having a hard time and she took him under her wing and moved him into my brother’s room. He stayed until we graduated high school.  I brought home a friend when I was 20 who had 2 children and no money.  Mom supported them for almost a year until the friend moved out.

My Mom was the person who would do anything to help anyone out and did it without ever wanting repayment.  She did it because it was the right thing to do.

In 1998 I was assaulted in my own driveway by a group of misled people.  I was pregnant with my twins at this time and had 3 little children.  My Mom never hesitated she told us to move in with her until we could sell our house and find another.  We moved the next day!  Four months later I had my twins and had a stroke while delivering.  We were there for 2 more years until I could make good decisions again.  Mom never complained!

I moved 2 blocks away and continued to see Mom every day.  By this time Mom had slowed down considerably and needed my help to keep up the house.  In 2003 the unthinkable happened.  My lovely sister (I mean that sincerely) lost her ever living mind and all hell broke loose.  See Mom owned her house with my sister.  My sister who had always been a wonderful person.  Would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it!  BUT…. At 40 years old had never had a boyfriend or any relationship with a man.  Her self-esteem was extremely low and she was so lonely!  A friend from work hooked her up with this chat room and that was the beginning of the end of my Mom’s happy home!!!!

My sister met a man online.  They chatted in secret for months, she went and met him in secret in a motel in NJ.  We all had no idea.  Now Jo handled all the finances for Mom.  Mom had no idea what was going on and never had reason to believe she needed to until Jo informed her she would be moving from Pa. To Canada and if my Mom wanted to go she could.  No, Mom decided she would just stay in her home and I would be there to help.  No dice!!  Jo had gotten Mom to sign over the house to her at the beginning of this little chatfest with the perv my sister met online.  (The perv was married to another woman of low self esteem and had gone through all her money!)   Mom didn’t even know she signed it!  Mom trusted!  Jo had put the house up for sale and Mom could not stay in her home!!!  I tried to buy the house back for Mom but Jo refused and sold it for $100 more than I offered just to be a b----!!

Needless to say I cut my sister out of my life at that point.  Mom went to Canada still trying to believe in my sister and Mom was treated like a dog.  They came back 3 weeks later to make settlement on their house and Mom came running to me.  Mom moved in and my family took her under our wings!  We treated her like royalty.  I doubled up my girls and gave Mom her own space and took care of her with all my heart.

Over the years Mom moved a lot slower and her health went down hill.  She struggled with kidney cancer and survived, had several smaller strokes and fought back, had very bad arthritis but persevered. All along signs of dementia were showing their ugly face!  Mom broke her hip one night because she didn’t like to admit she needed help.  She rehabbed and came home.  My family spent every day at the hospital and rehab.  We did what we should be doing for someone we love.  We wanted to---we loved her!  Now all this time she needed help I didn’t see my 2 sisters or my 2 brothers for that matter.  Where the hell were they?  Where were they when she needed medical equipment the insurance didn’t cover?  Where were they when I needed to buy a stairglide for Mom to get upstairs to her room?  NO WHERE!! 

February 2008 my Mom suffered a stroke.  The doctors advised me to put Mom in a nursing home because of the amount of supervision she would need.  I declined.  I would do it!  My family would help!  We brought Mom home!  The doctors advised me to make sure Mom quit smoking.  If she continued to smoke another stroke was a given.  Mom rehabbed and grew stronger.  Life was good.  Then along came the younger sister—sister from hell as she is known.  Not a good person but my mother’s child regardless.  Mom was overjoyed that hell child was paying attention to her.  I wasn’t fond of her at all and she knew it!  The year before she had taken Mom out for lunch one day and Mom came home with her meager bank account $10,000.00 lighter and she paid for lunch!  See hell child needed a defense lawyer.  (She has since been convicted of child endangerment etc. for having sex with a 14 year old boy—she is 38!  She is a registered sex offender.)

Hell sister wanted Mom to come to her house for the weekend.  I begged Mom not to go.  Mom left all her money and her credit cards at home and said she wanted to go.  She wanted to see her grandchildren and she would be home the next day.

My Mother My Friend Part Two

Mom never came home.  See hell sister wanted what Mom had—her pain meds!  Hell sister was an oxy addict for years and used every excuse to get them.  Now after 2 week of excuses from hell girl and my Mom saying she was alright I received a call from the pharmacy telling me that they would not refill Mom’s scripts for a 3^rd time in 2 weeks.  Come to find out hell girl had taken Mom to the doc and had gotten a script for mom for oxy’s and her and her scumbag husband were keeping Mom doped and getting high on her meds!!  I called and told them I was coming for MOM.  Dumb move.  They took her out to avoid me.

I tried everything.  I went to her house at least 10 times and even convinced my brother to help me.  No luck.  We went to the police and they said as long as Mom didn’t call for help there was nothing they could do.  Now if I could get her to open the door and something happened they could arrest her.  I called elder abuse in Phila. And it seems there has to be a full investigation and they have to see her.  Well hell child wouldn’t open the door and they had gone out 2x.  I called her probation officer and got nothing but attitude. 

Next thing I knew my Aunt called to tell me hell sister had hooked up with perv sister who has since moved to NC and Mom was on her way there.  Seems hell sister couldn’t take any chances being investigated since she was on probation.

I have only talked to Mom once since March 2008.  She called one day to say she is Ok and she is happy.  I keep tabs on her through my Aunt since my calls are never answered and my letters returned.  Moms dementia has increased and if you know anything about someone who has it they are easily led astray.  You can convince them of pretty much anything if you tell them often enough.  They have convinced Mom I didn’t treat her right.  They convinced her I took her $.  Thank God I had POA papers and every cancelled check!  She believes every lie and every mean thing they say about me.  My heart is broken.

  I would try to kidnap her but she would tell the authorities I am the bad one now!  I miss her so much and my kids are devastated about losing someone so important in their lives.  My Aunt says perv sister is still on the leash of her now husband.  That is another story.  My Aunt says she has seen her and tried to talk to her to remind her of what really happened all these years but my Mom doesn’t understand.  She says Mom is happy being with my sister’s little kids and she is taken care of.  She is broke –they emptied her account and had a new POA written.  Mom has had 2 more strokes since she left my house and her ability to reason is diminished.  Mom still smokes with their blessing!

I think about her everyday! Her beat up purple sweater still hangs in my hallway.   I pray for her health and her safety.  I hope she is at least blissfully happy.  I love her with every fiber of my being.  My heart and my soul love her forever!  Today my mother’s day card was returned.  I will send one again next year and maybe she will get to open it!    I have no regrets.  I treated her like the lovely woman she has always been. Maybe if God sees fit I will see her again one day and she will remember if only for a moment how much I always loved and cared for her.   Be safe… My mother….my friend—I love you more than you will ever know!

Happy Birthday Son

Happy Birthday Son!  It is so hard for me to believe that my little baby is now an adult!  You--21--its's hard to believe.  Where did all the time go?  I had more to do with you--what happened to my plans?

I had it all planned out.  You would live like a prince all of your days and want for nothing.  You would have the greatest life with never a bump in the road.  Everyone you met would love you almost as much as me!  You would never be sad or have any difficulty.  Life would be fun and easy for you.  I had it planned!

Plans have a funny way of making their own way.  They sneak up on you and change without giving you notice!  I think it's called the real world and that is not the world I planned for you--I planned for you to live in the world where everything was wonderful.  I guess in order for you to grow up you had to live in the real world and experience life--I didn't plan for that.  I wanted you to stay my little boy forever!  I remember that day so long ago!  There you were MY little boy!  MINE!  You changed me that day forever.  My life was not about me anymore--my life was all about you!  You needed me--you depended on me and I would not let you down.  It was my job from that day forward to protect you always and that hasn't always been as easy as you grew older.  I have tried but I have found even a MOM can't protect you from everything.  If only I could still fix everything by kissing it better!

We have been through alot together both good and bad.  We have grown up together and I for one do not want to grow up anymore!  We have been hurt by alot of people who said they loved us forever.  People we trusted and people who left us behind in the dust.  It is their loss.  We loved them with all our hearts.  We still do!  Don't let that loss change who you are---if you're gonna love someone....love them completely!  It's what makes you special!

I have tried to teach you all that I knew.  I have tried to teach you to learn from my mistakes but some things you will have to learn on your own while I sit and cringe because I know the risk you are taking with your heart.  You are like me in that respect.  If you love you love with all that you are.  That puts you at risk for getting hurt but I have always told you to never to do things half way!  I have tried to teach you to respect others and treat them the way you would want to be treated.  That isn't always easy but I believe in the end it will pay off!  We have been through some crazy things you and I.  Always look out for the little guy and stick up for him.  He may have alot to offer this wacky world!  Value the friends you know are real.  Remember that some are forever friends and others are there for a reason, a season or just for the moment.  They will move on and become part of your past.  Some--very few will be with you all of your days.  Cherish all of the friendships for they will help you learn lessons in life and make you a stronger person.

Follow your heart!  It will lead you in the right direction in the  end.  I have found if your heart isn't content then neither will your life be!  If your heart is happy you life will be filled with joy too!

One day you will find your special someone.  Make sure it is someone who will give you all of their heart and finds as much pleasure in making you happy as they do themselves.  I will be watching and trying to keep my opinions to myself unless you ask.  Make sure you treat her with respect and love her with all that you are.

I want you to find all the joy in life that you can find.  I want your life to be easy and full of laughter.  Don't sweat the small stuff and try to find the goodness in everyone you meet.  God will not always give you what you want but most of the  time he gives you what you need.

Always remember that someone is cheering for you all the way!  Even if you don't see me I am there hoping and praying for you every step of the way!  Don't get me wrong--if I see you go in the wrong direction I will do my best to be there to nudge you back in the right path.

Just because you are 21 doesn't mean you don't need me!  Remember NO ONE will ever love you as much as I do!  I will always love you NO MATTER WHAT!  There is nothing you can do or say to make me stop loving you ever!  I love you forever--forever my son!

Now go out there and make a life for yourself.  Have fun but not too much!  Be careful---remember that I need you!  You have so much to offer this world and I believe with all my heart that you will make it a better place to live in.

You will always be my little boy no matter how old or how big you are---I will always be here for you.  I love you CJ and to me you will always be my baby!

Have a great birthday!  Happy 21st son!  You have grown into a wonderful man!

Love forever and ever,

Mom

Round One!!

Last night proves my point that each child should come with their own set of instructions!  Sadly they do not and we all have to learn new lessons with each child at each stage in the game.  No 2 are alike!!!

My 15 yr old daughter asked if she could go out with her 2 friends to the movies.  That was fine!  Then she said they weren't going to the movies they were just going to hang out at the friends house with 2 boys.  That was OK as long as the Mom was home.  Then she asked if she could hang out with 2 different friends and I drew the line.  My head was now spinning and I had enough!  I told her NO! 

Well at that answer she flew into a rage and my darling daughter became someone else!  The monster inside her erupted and her mouth flew!  Before I even had a chance to tell her she was now in thanks to her mouth my husband seized upon the moment to tell her she was going nowhere!  Me stupidly thinking he was backing me up --he actually had another motive--if she was in there was no chance for her to see the dreaded boy!!  Still looking for any way to keep her from seeing boys even if its underhanded.

After some time in her room expressing what lovely parents we were to her mirror she descended again into the living room.  After a few minutes she vanished into the family room and we thought we had won the fight!  Our older son came home and told us our lovely child was outside talking to some guy in a Jeep!  She had sneaked out the back door , gone through the yard to get out front without us knowing.  She must have sensed her father was on the move cause she ran in the back door and acted as if nothing happened.  Truth be told one of our other kids probably texted her an ALERT!!!

Now she did it!!!  Now not only was she mouthy she was a SNEAK!!!  All hell broke loose and all the other kids became invisible!  If she wanted to go out front and talk we would have let her if only she had asked.  By sneaking out she knew it was wrong!  When will they ever learn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My husband tells me to go talk to "my daughter"  --funny how their ALL MINE when they mess up!  Again with the mouth only this time it had new batteries and just kept going.  She said some very hurtful things as that was her mission.  We got the usual --"you don't trust me--the boys are allowed to do anything--you love the other kids more-I want to run away-etc"  I assured her that since the boys are 18 and 20 they did have more freedom, trust was something she had till she crept out the back door like a skunk, everyone is loved the same and if she ran away I would hunt her down like a dog and shackle her to me!!!  I told her to stay in her room and think about it!  With that I took her lifeline----her cell phone and headed downstairs.  I didn't have to repeat anything --I bumped into my husband on the steps where he sat and heard everything.

Now it was his turn!  According to him the boy made her do it!  It was all his idea for her to sneak out front.  See he knew that boys were going to be a bad influence on his baby!  See what he did!!!  Well he'll make sure that kid knows he isn't stupid!  He won't get away with this!!!!  Hold on buddy---our daughter did this!  Your baby did this!!  She is the sneak not the boy!!!

Needless to say our conversation ended there.  All I wanted at that point is sleep!  Not to be had --my daughter was now in my room in full blown tears.  She had a few hours to think about it and knows how dumb it was.  She came to apologize and crawled in bed with me and fell asleep.  Dad sat on the couch all night!  I'm sure he fell asleep thinking of ways to torture that boy for all his evil doings!!

I'm sure we'll get through it!  Another lesson learned!  I sit here and laugh about my husband and his caveman attitude  but somehow thats also comforting because if he didn't get a little upset and worry then he really wouldn't care!!  It shows just how scared he is of his little girl growing up before his eyes!

Believe me she is grounded at least for the weekend and she will not get that phone back till Monday morning.  She has never been grounded so it will be a lesson learned!  She will be spending the weekend going wherever my husband goes and maybe that will be a lesson learned for both of them!  Who knows maybe they will actually enjoy some bonding time!!!

Oh what I would do for that manual......................................

And Then There Were 3!!!

Benny is our 1 year old cockapoo!  What ever possessed me to get this little dog????  We are a big hectic family who already had 2 large dogs.  Fozzie and Jake are yellow labs and are the sweetest dogs ever!

Last July I made the mistake of letting my daughters go into a pet store while I ran into the dollar store.  They begged me to come see this puppy who already loved them!  I went in and saw this white ball of fluff and immediately started to feel bad.  I avoid pet stores at all cost because like many of you I want to take them all home regardless of the inflated price tags.  I let the girls play with him in the little fenced in area and they were smitten!  I drug the girls out of there before American Express called me to thank me for being their most valued customer!!!

Later that night we had a few friends over for a BBQ.  My lovely husband had a few beers.  My kids have learned over the years that if you wait for Daddy to have a few and he is in a good mood he will say yes to almost ANYTHING!  They seized the moment and asked for the puppy!  Of course he said yes!  Now if I said NO I would be the bad guy cause Dad already said they could have anything they wanted! Really if 7 kids and 2 dogs haven't killed me what could a little ball of fluff do?  By this time the store had closed and he told them to get me to take them first thing in the morning. 

The next morning I was awakened by 8 giggling girls!  Of course they asked for 5 friends to sleep over and Dad said yes!  I crawled out of bed while Dad slept peacefully and loaded up the van with 8 girls who promised to help take care of the puppy.  We were waiting at the doors when they opened.

I approached the salesperson and asked to see fluffy puppy so I could see for myself!  It was really a mute point since I would be hogtied if I didn't retrieve the fluffy one!  I asked for the price and almost fell over when told the price was $500.00.  I asked the age of the puppy and was told it was already 4 months old.  Now that's pretty old in puppy store years!!  The salesperson saw me wince at the price and told me I could have him for $300.  After she said that I knew I had some leverage!  I asked what they would do with him if he aged out and was told he would probably be sold to a "facility."  I knew I had to make a deal but wasn't sure if they would take it.  I offered $200 and they were glad to get it! 

So here I went with fluffy puppy, 8 giggling girls and much less money in my pocket!  At home they all sat down to vote on the name.  What a circus that was--finally those 8 plus my 3 boys voted on "Benny."  So the adventures of Benny began! 

Oh the promises of taking care of Benny wore off in about 2 weeks.  My girls still make his food after I nag a few times (yes he needs special food or he get the runs) and occasionally pick up the poop he leaves for me next to the back door even though he's been out 50 times that day!  Basically I take care of fluffy Benny.  There are times I would like to return him but all in all Benny is just one of my guys!!

No Matter What

Everyone deserves to have a "No Matter What" in their lives.  That is the person who will ALWAYS love you, be on your side, cheer you on and listen FOREVER!  It is a very demanding assignment if you are a No Matter What but it is the most rewarding!

For my children I have instilled in their minds that I will always be their No Matter What.  I am the one who will always be there for them no matter what the situation.  I may not always like what they do or the decisions they make but there is NOTHING they can do that will make me stop loving them. 

Now I am not promising that I won't speak up and tell them like it is!  If I think they are doing something wrong I will surely tell them but in the end I will still love them and support them.  I will ALWAYS be the one who picks them up when they fall in life!

So maybe its time that we all look at our own lives and really think about it --do we have a No Matter What in our own lives?  Some may think that their spouse is their one but I think there maybe some situations that would make a spouse  stop loving.  For alot of people it will be their Mom or Dad.  For some of us it will be our best friend --for some there is no one.  To me that is the saddest of all!

Personally I do not believe I have one.  When I was younger I thought I did but as I have grown older I have realized that even my best friend has the potential to stop loving me and we have been friends for over 20 years.  Now don't get me wrong I have no intention of doing ANYTHING that will make her stop loving me but there are some extreme things that could cause that.  I wish it would have been my Mother and for a long time I thought that was the case but over the past several years I have found that to not be true. 

So for now I am satisfied to have all those in my life that I do.  I will continue to remind my kids that I will ALWAYS BE THEIR NO MATTER WHAT FOREVER. 

Our Little Girl is Growing Up!

Obviously I have many children-7 to be exact!  It seems with each one comes new trials and tribulation!  You'd think by now I might have a few more answers but it seems that the instructions change with each child.

Our daughter is nearly 16 and I am beginning to think my husband will be having his nervous breakdown any day now!  She is the middle child!  She is beautiful if I say so myself and honestly an all around nice kid.  She is athletic and confident.  She accepts people for who they are and not what they look like.  I'd say we have taught her well!  My husband would agree that we have a wonderful daughter with morals and values! 

That being said then I am left to wonder why in the  world he thinks when it comes to boys she will lose all sense of morality and values!

Of course over the years she has had the occasional boyfriend--we all know the kind you say is your boyfriend but the contact is limited to the computer, texting and the occasional movie with 10 other kids.  Honestly she doesn't have time for much more since she plays sports all year round and is an honor student.

Several months ago my younger daughter burst into the room and informed us the 15 year old had a boyfriend!  I laughed and went on about my business.  My husband on the other hand looked very serious-came over to me and said very sternly that I should put a stop to that!!!!  I thought he was joking and told him to shut up!  This only infuriated him and he said it again!  I was shocked to say the least --he wasn't kidding!!!  I have never seen him upset about the older boys when it comes to dating!!!  Ahh--that's the key word --they are boys!!!

Since that time I have learned alot!  It is okay for sons to date whenever with whomever as long as she's hot and if she gives a little that only makes her hotter!  Daughters have to be tied up and never allowed to date till they are at least 40 since apparently Dads think their daughters could turn out to be one of those really "hot" girls they encourage their sons to find!

Needless to say we went a few rounds!  It ended after a week when my daughter told my husband she dumped the boy cause of our fighting!  It ended for my husband but not for me!

It has taken a few months but now my caveman has finally come to realize that just because our daughter wants to date doesn't mean she will be offering the goods for free or even offering the goods at all!  Don't get excited he didn't come to this realization on his own--I have taken every opportunity to change his mind!  I reminded him that she was honest.  She could just continue to date and keep it from us.  She could meet him in dark corners and we would never know if she was sneaking enough!  She could want to date more often and see him more often just to vent about her caveman of a Dad!  I told him it would be better if we allowed her to date as she has very limited time to see a boyfriend at all since she is so involved with sports and school.  I reminded him that if we allowed her to have a boy come over he was free to make excuses to go down the basement to get one of his power tools at any time just to see what was going on or to show the boy how the power tool worked!

Believe it or not this has worked!  He finally said she can date if she really wants to! 

Well I sat her down the other day and informed her that our caveman had relented and she could now date.  We laughed and talked about just how upset her Dad had been about the fact that his little girl is growing up and she understands its only because he loves her so much that he is nearing his nervous breakdown!  We did laugh but we did speak honesly.  I am confident in her that she absolutely has her morals and values in the right place and she will make the best decisions she can when it comes to dealing with those boys!  She  informed me right now its softball season and those boys will have to wait!  She has too much catching practice to deal with and she needs to get her grades up just a few point to make first honors!

I'd say we taught her well!

A Moment to Smile

Sometimes I think I get so caught up in the drama of life that I forget about the little things that make me smile.

Yesterday my little girl sat out front on the lawn swing just swinging her legs and singing her heart out!  She sat there and sang as loud as she could not caring who heard.  Now mind you that kid can sing.  We have no idea how because neither the hubby or I could carry a tune if you paid us!  I was inside but the windows were open and when I heard her I had to stop.  I crawled up on the couch and leaned toward the window and just listened.  The sound of her voice is amazing and all I could do is cry.  Happy tears I do not mind.  How lucky I am to have such a great kid.  How beautiful she is inside and out and yet she is not conceited in any way.  So glad I took a moment to put down my things and just enjoy.

Last week was the talent show at school.  All the girls signed up to sing with a friend and most of the songs were the normal 10 year old kind of songs--disney or camp rock but not my songbird.  She didn't want to sing with anyone and she didn't want a kid song.  She decided to sing "I believe" by Fantasia.  Not so easy to do at 10 but she was up for it!  All  9 of us took up the first row to hear her sing.  AMAZING!!  She blew the crowd away with her voice and her humility.  Afterward my hubby and my sons gave her 2 dozen beautiful roses--she was in awe.  Someone asked me why our whole family came to see her sing at a grade school talent show.  Did you make your older kids come?   I have raised them to support one another 100% and they wouldn't have missed this for the world.  Just seeing them all sitting and cheering her on was another big moment to remind me to smile!