Testing 1, 2, 3

Just want to see if this posts. I've heard many are having trouble posting...so here we go!

Helloooooo...I'm Still Here!

Hello!!!!!!  I figured that some of you may still be lurking nearby and I just wanted to say hello and I miss ya!

Remember when we could all keep up with the comings and  goings of each other's lives on here and then things kind of fizzled? 

I'm not sure if there is a captain to this boat since I haven't heard a word from anyone in command but I'm still here lurking just the same!

So if you're still here somewhere leave a comment so I can see that I'm not drifting alone here. 

I'm still here available for BIG HUGS and EARS TO LISTEN IF ANY OF YOU NEED ME!  LOVE YA!

Bath Salts....Synthetic Drugs Trying to Destroy Our Children

Bath Salts are the new synthetic drugs sweeping our nation like a firestorm!  I had no idea just 2 months ago that they existed and now it seems I can't turn my head or go one day without hearing about them or seeing them lining the shelves of a store.

A few months ago a friend in my area alerted me that BATH SALTS were being sold in a local store and available to kids.  Now if you're anything like me bath salts bring to mind the gift sets our mothers used to get and they are put in the tub for a luxurious bath.  YOU WOULD BE WRONG!

My friend sent me the following links and I urge you to watch them.  I was floored.

Please watch these videos.  You will be floored and angry just like I am!
www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/#43138593
www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/#43139226
www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/$43138648    

These "bath salts" are not intended for the tub at all.  They are intended to be snorted, melted down and shot into a vein or even mixed in a drink with the sole purpose of getting high.  Most are made of MDVP aka methylenedioxypyrovalerone.  Yeah...I know what you're thinking...what the heck is that?

By marketing these new designer drugs that come in many names as "bath salts" and labeling them "not for human consumption" they have avoided being made illegal in many states and cities.  That is beginning to change!

Now anyone who is selling them or making them knows 100% they are being purchased as a drug for the sole purpose of getting high.  These outlets have these drugs flying off the shelves and these manufacturers are making hundreds of thousands off kids and families and it's time to stop!

Effects of these drugs range from paranoia, hallucinations, suicide and so many more.  They are the "replacements" for things like esctasy, xanax, meth, cocaine and who knows what else and perfectly legal right now in many townships and cities. 

Lets not forget "incense."  Oh I know the picture somes to mind of those cone shaped smelly things we used to put in a dish way back in our youth or the sticks that we can put in a jar and light to give the room a nice aroma.  You would be wrong again!  With names like K2 and Spice this "incense" is one popular item.  It is the replacement for marijuana and the kids are buying it up and smoking it.  Why not?  It's legal and cheaper than good old weed. 

Now you might be thinking what's the harm.  The harm is it's not good old weed.  It's a chemical replacement that is made by fly by night manufacturers that has no set amount of chemicals involved.  The same batch can get different amounts of the chemicals and thus cause very different results from the same batch.

While I don't smoke weed a part of me wants to scream not to use this incense.  If you want to smoke weed then do it but smoke the natural stuff not this crap in a bag!

A friend alerted me that it was being sold in a gas station right near my home so I made it my business to march in and see for myself! I went it and they were clearly displayed behind the counter. I asked the clerk if those were Bath Salts and Incense and he assured me they were.  They range in price from $13 all the way up to over $70.  They were in packets shaped very much like the packets rubber bands come in from an orthodontist but they were foil.  Sitting on the shelves waiting for young and old alike to just come and get'em!

The clerk asked me which ones I wanted and I told him I wasn't a customer. I was one mad MOM!  I asked why they sold them when they knew the sole purpose was to get high and he agreed I was right but urged me to speak to the owner who stood outside.

I approached the owner and the clerk rushed out to explain in a language that escapes me.  I asked him why on earth he'd sell that stuff when he knows people are getting high from it and some are being critically harmed and he told me that it's a big seller and it's legal!  I asked him if he had any morals and values.  He declined to answer.  I bet I know the answer to that one!  He asked me why I care.  The answer is simple!  I care about kids, I care about people.  This crap is dangerous due to it's unknown reaction.  No 2 are the same!

I told everyone I knew, I sent out the call.  People were floored!  Most had no idea what Bath Salts were at all.  Most were supportive and rallied with me.  Some of course had something smart to say and I'd bet most of them were customers.  Some asked me why it's my business.  Drugs hurt everyone!  Drugs rip lives away.  Drugs like this....they destroy with no care and if I can get the word out and one person is saved...then it's a good day!

I went to our town meeting and proposed they do something!  I urged them this would snowball and cause a shitstorm they weren't ready for.  They agreed!  We now have an ordinace that make the sale or possession punishable with a fine and up to 90 days in jail.  Our state passed a law making this stuff the same offense as selling, using or purchasing hard core drugs!

The state law won't go into effect for 60 days until then I'll be telling the officers in my community where to write out those tickets!

Recently we had a young boy smoke the incense.  He hallucinated so badly he jumped out of a van and ran off the top of a parking garage!  He remembers nothing.  He's critical.  His friends say he was out of control and seeing things that weren't there. I'm sure he's be on my side.

Drugs hurt us all...believe me.  You don't have to use them to have them change your life!  Ask me...I know!

Dear MOM...Does the Pain Ever Get Better?

Dear MOM,

My Mom passed away about 6 months ago.  She was my best friend.  She had a long hard fight with cancer and the cancer finally won. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her so much.  Every time I hear her name I just burst into tears. I've missed too much work and I feel like my family just can't deal with me anymore.  They loved her too but she was my Mom and I just feel like I'll never stop crying.  Will this pain I feel every time I hear her name ever lessen? 

Help,

P.

Aww P.,

The pain is still very fresh.  Give yourself time and the pain will lessen each day.  Give yourself the okay to smile again, to have fun again.  Your Mother fought a long hard fight and showed you by example her strength to try to beat such a powerful evil.

Grief is different for everyone and we all have to deal with it in our own way.  In time you will remember her and it will bring a smile to your face.  Now I'm not saying we don't all have days that even after years the tears don't come.  They do! 

P. you will always miss her and yes the memories will even make you cry sometimes.  My Dad has been gone for 17 years.  I so miss him.  There are days when I could use him here with me to get me through my days BUT I know he's better where he is.  He's well again and happy and I have no doubt he's holding my hand and loving me every day just like your Mom is doing for you.  You're Mom will see you again one day and be waiting for you with open arms when it is your time.  I'm sure she expects you to have a good life and to find the joy in life the two of you once shared.  Take all the goodness she taught you and pass it on.  Try to do that in some small way.  You will get to a day when you don't cry every time her name is mentioned...her name will bring smiles to your face again honey.  I am keeping you in my prayers sweetie. 

The pain will lessen in time sweetie. I promise!

Big Hugs,

MOM

Passing On Princess Day!

I remember the day well.  My mother and I set out on an errand more important than anything I could have ever remembered.  We drove nearly an hour, fought for a parking spot and took that walk down the street.  I had the picture in my hand and we were determined to find it!  It would be all mine!  We were hunting for the perfect prom dress and I knew just the one I wanted.

Prom dress shopping is a stressful time for most mothers and daughters but not us!  That day…that day was all ours and we knew what we wanted.  I had seen the picture of the dress in a magazine and we both agreed it was the right one for me!  I lay in bed for months dreaming of wearing such an elegant dress with my boyfriend at my side.  I imagined the bouquet I would carry that would match the dress perfectly.

We waited in line and when it was my turn I tried on the sample of my dream dress!  I felt like a  princess finally living a dream.  I was so excited.  My mother went over the transaction with the sales lady and ordered the dress along with the crinoline I needed for underneath. 

I wore that dress with pride on Prom night!  I felt like a  princess and must admit I thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world.  Judging by the look on my boyfriend’s face as I came down our steps no one was more beautiful that night at least to him. 

Now that my daughter is coming up on her  junior prom I want so much to give her that memory.  We’ve scoured the net looking for that perfect dress and I have to admit I’m glad the styles have changed.  The other night she brought up the price of the gowns.  What would be her limit?  So I told  her my story.

All our lives even when my parents were together we didn’t have much.  With 5 kids and my father saving ever dime he could for the future we were each allowed 3 outfits for winter and 3 outfits for summer.  That is it! We were the kids that wore the cancellation shoes and the hand me down clothes and we were grateful for them.  

I’m sure money was tight when we took our trip to the dress shop to buy my dress but funny thing is….my mother never mentioned the price.  She never gave me a limit or showed signs of stressing over the bill. She just paid and we left.  She wanted me to have that dress as much as I did.  She wanted me to feel like the princess I never was at home working every day while going to school trying to help with the bills..  She wanted me to feel special.  Like the most beautiful girl at the dance. 

It wasn’t till years later that I realized what a sacrifice that dress was for Mom.  We bought it in a  bridal shop in the middle of the city.   I have no doubt it cost way more than she could afford but she never said a word.  I can only imagine how many lunches she went without at work to pay for that dress.  I can only imagine the things she never bought for herself that she truly needed to make up for the dress.  She never said a word.

I never told my mother that I realized the sacrifice she made that day for me to have that dress.  Oh she knew I appreciated all she’d done for me growing up we had talked about it but I don’t think I ever told her how special that dress was to me and how I truly did feel like a princess.  As some of you know my mother has Alzheimer’s now and barely knows me.  Even if I did manage to tell her how much I appreciated her sacrifices for that dress she would have no idea what I was spouting.  So to thank my mother and pass it on…my daughter will have that dress!  The dress that makes her feel like a princess if only for one day.  I won’t be telling her to look at the price tags this time like we normally do.  I won’t be telling her how I came up with the money and what we did without to afford it.    I will be telling her she is beautiful inside and out and that she is the most beautiful girl in the world!

So this year when my daughter walks down the steps I’ll know that  my mother would be so proud.  She would be telling my baby girl that she looks like a princess if only she could. 

Thank you Mom for giving me that special memory.  I had no idea back then how important those memories would be.  Now I know each one was a gift from you to me to get me through my days.  My girl will look like a princess and it’s all thanks to you!  Love ya Mom!

Warning...Four Loko Should Be Banned

My Friday night started out very calm and normal.  By the following morning my family had lived through a nightmare that could have ended very differently.

My hub came home from work as usual and I headed out to the store about 6:30.  Seems my older son and his friend where talking about a new drink “Four Loko.”  They said they were going to have a few and my hub decided to try them.  I returned @ 8PM and my hub was loaded.  Seeing that he’s a man who can hold his liquor and drinks responsibly I was kind of puzzled but chalked it up to him being tired on top of the drinking.  He laughed and talked that shit talk men often do when they are drinking and I ignored the conversations.

No more than 10 minutes later he sat down suddenly and told me he didn’t feel right.  He said he was going upstairs and wanted me to come up.  He laid down and looked terrified.  He said again he didn’t feel right.  I rubbed his back hoping he’d fall asleep cause the last thing I wanted to do was deal with someone drunk.  He didn’t fall asleep.  The terror that ensued was right out of a horror movie only my hub was the only one seeing it…..in fact this poor man was hallucinating and was actually living it!

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.  He was bawling!  This in itself was something of a shock seeing as I’ve only seen him cry about a dozen times in 25 years.  The rest I will do my best to explain but it all happened so fast and frankly devastated me it may not make as much sense to you as it does to me.  Hub laid on the bed and looked at me and told me “ I don’t need you.”  I tried to make light of it and told him “everyone needs a little Mare.”  With his eyes bulging, bloodshot and tears running down his face he told me again he didn’t need me.  I remained calm and talking in a soothing voice.  I didn’t want to make things worse.  He whispered that I knew what he’d done.  I had no idea what he’d done.  I was lost so I kept quiet.  Again and again he repeated I knew what he’d done.  Then he told me very quietly he had to kill me and then kill himself.  WTF!!!  I quickly told him oh noooooooo, no you don’t!!!  He then said something I will never be able to forget!  He told me “ Look…look at what I’ve done.  I killed the kids.  I killed my babies.  Mare how could I?  Now you and I have to die to go take care of them.”  He told me he was going to die right then and there.  With terror filling his eyes he asked me if I could see them?  Them who????  He wanted to know if I could see his Dad?  Again WTF???  His Dad is dead!!  I went to the other side of the bed and he reached out and held my hand in a death grip and the other hand appeared to be writing in the air.  He told me he was dieing!  With that he arched his back in what I can only explain as a damn good backbend, stretched out his hands and literally stopped breathing!  Oh no!!!!!  My CPR training flew out the window and I screamed his name over and over.  I grabbed his hair and pulled him up!  I beat on his chest, pounded his back and shook the shit outta him.  He gasped after about 3 minutes that seemed like hours , then proceeded to gag and spit the largest loogies I have ever seen!  Each one of them landing right on me!  I asked what the hell he was doing and he thought he was spitting at some kind of demons!  Within seconds again with the backbend, his eyes rolled back in his head and he was unconscious.  My kids finally heard all the screaming and had run up the steps.  My 20 yr old jumped on the bed, saw his Dad and became hysterical.  With tears streaming down his face he did CPR and after at least 4 minutes or so got him breathing.  By this time I had called 911 and they were on the way.  My 11 yr old and fled the house and got our neighbor.  He said my hub up, dressed him and carried him downstairs.

The EMT’s put him on oxygen and got him in the ambulance.  Then the irrational behavior took hold again to a lessor degree.  He was verbally abusive to them and he thought it he was funny.  He said lewd and disparaging things to them and God bless them they ignored him.

Two of my neighbors were here at that point and helped to calm the kids as much as they could be.  I followed in my car.  By the time I got in the ER he was still at it but this time with the nurse and the young doc.  He was suggesting lewd and crude ways they could make him feel better and all I could do was apologize.  He wanted me to get him outta there in no uncertain terms and I ignored him. I told them if he needed restraints so be it.  Finally I stepped behind the curtained room so he wouldn’t see me and he quieted and finally fell asleep after 30 minutes more minutes.  I waited awhile to make sure. 

My older son and his friend had gone along.  I wanted to take them home to be with the younger kids so I took this chance.  I left my numbers with the nurse and headed home.  I was only gone about 45 minutes and when I returned he was awake and very confused.  He had no idea how he got there, why he was there and what the heck had happened. He only felt the need to protect the kids from something not knowing what.  He needed to get home to see for himself they were all okay.   He remembered NOTHING since about 7PM. 

After many hours of terror, 6 bags of saline, blood tests and urine tests he asked to go home.  Although they would have preferred him to stay he insisted on going home.  He wanted explanations.  I told him only a little.  Now was not the time.  I only told him he hallucinated because of that drink “Four Loko.” I told him he thought he hurt the kids but not that he thought he killed each one.   The rest would hold.  The ER thought for sure he had done drugs….they found none!  I knew they wouldn’t. He doesn’t use drugs.  All they found was a very, very high blood alcohol.  Wayyyyyy over the legal limit.  They discharged him and we went home.

We got home about 4AM. He wasn’t sure why but he felt the need to see and hold the kids. One by one he crawled into their beds and held them sleeping.  He cried and held each one and only went to bed when I insisted.   My heart broke.   I was tired but in no way could I sleep.  I needed to make sure he was okay.  I watched him sleep and researched this demon….”Four Loko.” 

I’ve discovered “Four Loko” is banned in many areas due to the devastation it leaves behind.  Many people have hallucinations, black outs, act out violently and some even die.  I read of a college boy who thought he could fly and didn’t.  He died.  I read of an 18 yr old who went into a coma after one can and her parents finally pulled the plug on Friday morning.  I’ve read of a docile husband of 30 years who never even cursed who help a knife to his wife’s throat.  I could go on and on.  This stuff is pure evil in a can.  It appears it doesn’t matter if you are young or old, very light or very heavy…it has no target victim.  Ages range from 14 to 60.  It targets the young and the old.  It markets itself  like a harmless energy drink that tastes just like punch with a bit of alcohol.  After retrieving an empty can I saw the alcohol content.  14%!!!!!  It comes in 10 flavors so it appeals to many.  Many, many have black outs, hallucinate and become violent.  I just thank God that the only violence in my home that night was only in his mind.  No one else was harmed.  It could have turned out very differently if we kept weapons in our bedside table like many do.  My kids could very well be orphans today.

I have told my hub everything.  He was floored.  He remembers nothing.  He is very humbled and very saddened.  He has apologized to everyone.  We took the nurses gift cards and thank you notes yesterday.  He is embarrassed beyond belief. 

Our son was at football camp over the weekend.  We had to go on Saturday or he would wonder what was wrong.  Hub was very quiet and I took a lounge chair for him to sit in.  I laid on a blanket and honestly fell asleep.  We’ve just kept things quiet and we both have a better appreciation for one another today.  We both appreciated we were the lucky ones this weekend. 

I am on  mission with his 100% approval.  I want it out of the stores.  The website for the product is www.drinkfour.com.  I already have a call into the FDA.  Not sure who else to contact but I’m open to suggestions.  The website shows every store that carries the crap within the radius of your home.  I found 50 or so near mine.  I plan to visit each one and hopefully some of them will take it off the shelves.

My daughter has 16 year old friends who have had this liquid evil.  It’s cheap.  $3 for one can.  WOW!  Drunk off your ass for all night for only $3 !!!  Appealing to all the young teens and college kids. 

Please I ask each one of you to tell all your friends.  Warn them!  This stuff is no joke.  You could drink it a couple times with no hallucinations or black outs but sooner or later you will.  Stay away from it.  Check the website and see if its sold near you and implore the owners to remove it.  You may just save a life…..maybe even someone you love!

Big hugs to all of you!  Love ya!

Goodbye My Friend

Some of you may remember me talking about my good friend Angelo.  He's an older Italian gentleman who lived in my neighborhood who took me under his wing the minute I moved in 12 years ago.

Angelo was diagnosed with cancer in May.  The type of cancer he had was aggressive and brutal.  He didn't want any treatment.  He wanted to live each day he had left to the fullest. 

The day he got his results I went to visit.  I was worried.  The local priest was there when I got there and we all sat down.  Angelo is a character of sorts.  He makes his own Italian wine in his wine cellar and offered the priest and I a glass.  I know better. LOL  I've been the victim of that potent wine on more than one occasion.  It's not for sissies! LOL  The priest said sure and he and Angelo drank the wine.  Angelo offered him a second glass.  The priest said sure.  This is when I had to speak up.  I told him if he had the second glass I would be driving him home and I would be preparing the sermon for Mass! LOL  The priest declined and thanked me as he was already feeling the first glass. LOL  Angelo proceeded to tell him in his thick Italian accent that he really didn't like the priest's homilies.  He didn't like the jokes or the stories the priest shared.  I just looked @ him in shock!  Angelo told the priest since he had a glass of wine with him that maybe he could change his opinion just a little!  Angelo spoke the truth..no matter who it was. 

Angelo decided that he would take his whole family to Cancun for one final vacation.  They had a glorious time!  He knew this would be his final gift to them and he wanted it to be wonderful.  Mission accomplished!  His strength was good and he felt wonderful.

Things changed as soon as he got home.  His wife wanted him to try treatment.  She didn't want him to give up!  So for his family he took the treatment and that's when things went down hill fast.  He had no energy and felt horrible.  The results of the treatment showed the tumor had shrunk just a little but it had already spread.  He decided no more.

I saw my friend on Thursday.  He was weak and heavily medicated but when I spoke his eyes flew open and he chuckled.  He knew I was there!  His wife had the catholic channel on.  She said he wanted it on 24 hours a day.  I asked him if he wanted it on so he was good with God.  He chuckled.  I told him he could even watch the porno channel at this point and still be good with God.  I told his wife I don't even know what channel that is...she said 291!  I just looked at her.  I said Pina ...you know the porno channel?  She said again...291!  At this the nurse poked her head in the room laughing...Pina looked at us...I explained ...nude channel Pina... she gasped..she hadn't been listening to me...she thought I'd said what channel was the catholic channel.  Angelo was listening and erupted in laughter!

We hugged as I began to leave and I reminded him how much I loved him.  He told me he loved me and I promised I'd be back.  Well I couldn't fulfill that promise.  My good loving friend Angelo went to live with God on Friday and he 's up there sharing his Italian wine with the angels!  I'm sure there is a hangover or 2 floating around up there!

I'm not sure if I can explain just how much Angelo meant to me.  Angelo came to this country many years ago from Italy.  He was old school to say the least.  He worked hard and loved life!  Angelo meant the world to me. He called me Mari Ella. He was family.  He made me feel like I wasn't alone.  Like I wasn't without parents.  He was my biggest cheerleader!  I will miss him more than I can explain but I thank God that he brought this special man into my life.  He has been a blessing to me and my family.  I loved him with all my heart.

Angelo would have turned 79 years old soon and on his birthday you can be sure I will be celebrating with a good old glass of his Italian wine! 

Roadtrip to My Broken Heart..My Mom.

Brianna, Lauren and I set out Monday about noon for our 600 mile trip and spent the first night in a motel about 80 miles from our destination. We arrived @ crazy sister's house about 10 on Tuesday morning and when my eyes set on my mother sitting on the porch my heart just burst. There sat my sweet Mom, a little thinner with oxygen tubes up her nose and her legs from the knees down were almost purple. I knelt down and looked into those eyes and she had to think who I was ...I asked her if she knew me and she said "Mare." I held her and the tears just flowed. I couldn't have stopped them if I tried. My sister was right there. I told Mom I was taking her to a motel for a few days and she adamantly said "no." I asked her again and got the same answer. My sister said my Mom was just getting over pneumonia and that her memory had worsened. I asked about the legs and she said it was from her low respiration level. I told Mom I couldn't stay there and my sister spoke up and said  

we could visit on the porch. Now mind you it's NC so the temps that day were about 100 on that porch. My 2 girls emerged from the van and ran to G-Mom and just held her. She said their names and the relief on the faces was a blessing. I asked my sister to speak to me privately. I asked about whether she would lose her legs...she said she doesn't know yet. I asked about the smoking and the oxygen and she said she lets her smoke and takes the oxygen off for 5 minutes before and after. I disagreed but we all know I'm not getting any choices here. We sat on the porch and made small talk with my Mom and my sister did speak to my girls politely. I could see that she knew she had missed out on their lives but afterall ...she chose that didn't she. I showed my Mom pictures of my other kids and showed her a pic of the hub and she touched his face and said "ahhh Carman." See Carman took better care of her than her own sons ever had. She loved him with all her heart. I was so glad

she remembered him. Eventually my sister let her 3 kids come out of the house when she realized the knives were put away! LOL The 2 boys and the little girl were enamored with my girls and how pretty they were. The showed off like little kids do and my girls paid them lots of attention. Adam..aka ...Angela's little boy my sister adopted....came up and told me he had missed me. It was evident from the way the kids acted that they didn't wear shoes much since they were constantly looking and touching ours. LOL The pizza man showed up and Bri and I declined but Lauren was hungry so she had some. The one little boy (only 4) ate 7 slices. Overfed much? I kept my opinions to myself. Although my sister tried to act like the doting mother I could see the kids were filthy. Oh they had on clean clothes that morning but their bodies were dirty and the poor little girl's hair was matted to her the back of her head. Imagine Sanford and Sons meets the Beverly Hillibillies before $$$.

My sister sat before me ...hair dyed bleached blonde (her hair is darkest brown like mine), tattoo's on the front of both massive breasts, tattoo on her arm , no make up, sun damage to her forehead, no bra, spaghetti strap tank top and dirty flip flops....yup...the sister I knew who was always groomed immaculately is gone! She lives on a curve in a semi rural area too close to the road. The yard is all rocks, the backyard rivals a junk yard complete with broken down yellow bus and it was just dirty. She laughed when the girls looked around...she said "we're just hillbillies." OKAY! All the while my girls sat next to my Mom swatting at flies that landed on all the venous ulcers (sores) on my Mom's legs. The bugs just never gave her a rest and she seemed to now even notice. My Mom's main concerns seemed to be watching the cars go by and wiggling her fingers ever few minutes for another cigarette. It just broke my heart. (I'll write more later...can't get it all out at one time..sorry)

Update con.

I tried several times to get my Mom to go to a motel with me but I could see that she just wasn't going.  I had to walk to the van several times to just break down without her seeing.  It was killing me to see my Mom who could do anything just withering away to someone I just didn't know.

Brianna and Lauren were wonderful and were very polite to the kids.  They took turns sitting next to Mom and swatting at the flies that never ceased to be drawn to the sores on her legs.  I mean...her legs really looked like she had purple stockings on with holes. They had tears streaming down their little faces but never said a word..just simply wiped away the tears.  See they wanted to protect her in some way and this is all they could do.

I spoke to my sister when I stepped away for a moment.  I asked what she intends to do when Mom's time comes and frankly I just don't think she has years left in her.  I asked that she be brought home and buried with my Dad.  She intends to do that.  BUT she was under the impression my Mom had a pre-paid funeral.  Mom cashed that in when she still lived in her own house. The look of shock on her face told me she now has a problem cause she won't have the $$ to bury Mom.  That will fall on me for sure and so be it. I will find a way.

She told me she tries to keep Mom happy and healthy the best she can and I do think she does.  See my Mom always loved her the most. It's okay..we all knew and I told her so.  I gave her that gift even though she didn't deserve it.

We chatted throughout the afternoon with small talk.  I don't know how much Mom heard or even cared.  I do know her dementia is severe and she doesn't remember too much.  I also knew my time was coming to an end.  I said I was leaving and Mom spoke up and said "so soon."  So I stayed longer.  I knew I had to leave but just didn't know how.  My sister didn't leave us alone for more than a few minutes so when she stepped inside I had my chance.  I looked my sweet Mom in the eyes and asked her if she was happy..she said yes.  I asked her to please never forget me and she reached out and touched my face and said "oh never."  I told her I loved her with all that I am and she was the greatest Mom ever.  I thanked her for everything she has ever done for me and for loving me.  I told her I had to go but I could not say goodbye...I said I would see her later.

As I stumbled through the tears my girls grabbed their G-Mom and held her and bawled their eyes out...they needed that.  They needed to grieve..we all did.  My sister walked me to the van and said we could come back the next day. I did manage to tell her that really their was no need to take Mom out of my home the way she and the other crazy sister did.  I reminded her that the our other sister is a drug addict and did that so she could get Moms meds.  I reminded her that the other sister stole over $20,ooo.oo from Mom.   I looked at her and told her that she used to be the world's greatest sister..she really was.  I told her "Ya know ...there was a time I could not have loved you more."  And finally I saw the old sister resurface just a little and she broke down and cried...I drove away and gave her something to think about.  We did not go back.  I just couldn't put the girls through another day of sitting in 100 degrees with no place to pee again! It would have been slow torture to make them sit there again but I know for me they would have. 

I drove a few miles and pulled over.  I just couldn't see.  I left her there.  It's obvious Mom doesn't remember living in my home since she asked me where I live.  She doesn't remember all the crap my sister put her through or how much $$ she stole from her.  Maybe God gave her a gift by not remembering all that.  I know it broke my Mom's heart.  If I had taken her it would have been for me.  I would have to go to court to get her and rip my Mom through all that.  She is happy sitting on that porch watching the few cars go by and smoking.  She is content.  Who am I to take that from her?

I don't intend to be my sister's friend but I do intent to keep in contact thru email on my Mom's condition.  My sister was prepared for a fight.  I wasn't there to fight.  I was there to see my Mom.  I am hoping that she will agree for me to come and get Mom in Sept. to bring home for a visit but that's gonna take some work. My Mom can't care for herself and soon that will wear on my sister.  I don't believe Mom has much time.  Her lungs aren't functioning well and we all know its because she smokes and that's not stopping.  Even if I can get her here for a few months...so she can be clean and maybe I can get her a little better. OR maybe for her last few months on earth. 

I set out to see for myself that she was okay.  She is but still...I wish she was better.  Would she be in that condition if she was with me?  I doubt it.  But I also know if I ripped her out of there now..she would be sad and too much of her life was sad.  I owe her that much.

So no Elder care abuse to be called, no children's services even though I think they are dirty and could be cared for better.  That would make sure I never see her again and I can't do that.  So I will make her trust me and hope for a visit.  My damn heart is bursting here...I just want my Mom home. 

I keep reminding myself ..no regrets.  I've loved her with all my heart.  She was a great Mom..the greatest!

The girls and I drove straight thru on Wednesday for 13 long hours.  I just wanted to get home.  I've been quiet.  I've been devastated.  I'm friggen sad.  It's okay to be sad.  I'm losing my Mom slowly but surely.  The woman I've looked up to all my life is not there.  She isn't in there.  I know her dementia isn't going to get better and chances are next time she won't even remember my face but damn it...I will never forget her ...I will not forget her love and strength so I will get through this...for Mom. 

I've learned some lessons lately.  I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters.  We all learned the same morals and values...but I really think I'm the only one who was REALLY listening. Some of them have stolen my Dad's $$, some my Mom's.  Some have committed crimes and some live very immoral lives.  I've always thought I'd enjoy karma when it slapped them upside the head.  I really don't.  One brother had $$ and lost everything.  One brother had $$ and still does but he is the loneliest man I know and he lives with his family and is still lonely.  One sister who I thought was the best...lost her morals and mind along with it and lives like a slob.  One sister who I've always thought was crazy...is and she is living a tortured life on parole.  They all thought I was the one with a tough life with all these kids and no $$.  I've come to the conclusion that I am the rich one..I am the one with the good life.  I am richer than all of them put together.  I live a good life with morals and values.  I am rich..in love! 

Saying Goodbye to My Buddy

Now that a few weeks have gone by I think I can write this.  On May 18th I had no choice but to say goodbye to my friend, my buddy, my furry little boy Fozzie. 

I know I've mentioned before that Fozzie was growing weaker and his tumors were only getting larger.  Some of the tumors appeared to be the size of my fist.  His heart was enlarged and poor guy just had no strength. 

When we got Fozzie the kids were thrilled but none more than CJ.  My hub came home and told us that a customer couldn't afford to get her porch roof done so he bartered with her for a pup!  I took the 3 kids to her house that day in 1996 and told them to sit back.  I'd let the pups loose and the one they were meant to love forever would come to them.  Of course Brianna was only 2 then and I held her back! LOL  Fozzie found his way right into CJ's lap and straight into our hearts!  Heck...at that point she could have charged us and that would have been okay with us.

When we got home we introduced the pup to our other furry pup Nico and they just loved each other.  We sat on the floor and discussed the new pup's name.  Gonzo and Harry came up but didn't feel right and then CJ suggested  Fozzie...and that's how it began. 

Fozzie was pure love!  Not a mean bone in his body.  He was a great baseball player fielding balls in the yard for the boys.  He was a babysitter watching every move Brianna made just in case.  He was an awesome listener when I just needed someone to listen and comfort me.  He was my baby...my friend and damn it I miss his little face.

We moved in with my Mom for a few years when I had Lauren and Nicky.  Fozzie adapted fast and so did Nico.  That made 5 dogs in the house and Fozzie never once tried to be top dog...he just wanted to be #1 lover.  He loved everyone.  He loved my Mom to death! 

When we moved to our own house Fozzie was sad at first so I took him to my Mom's house every chance I got so he could see his pals.  Mom moved in with us in 2003 and Fozzie was elated!  He became her pal.  He went where Grandma went. He followed her all day long and sat by her side.  He was in love! 

Fozzie not only loved G-Mom.  He watched her.  If G-Mom wasn't feeling good he knew and came and got me immediately.  If G-Mom fell asleep smoking ...he came and got me.  If G-Mom woke up at the crack of dawn as usual...he was there by her side.  He slept with her, he nuzzled her, he was her sidekick.  G-Mom broke her hip in 2007 and had to be hospitalized.  She then had to go to rehab.  She wasn't doing well and Fozzie was in a deep depression.  I did the only thing I could think of and took him to the rehab to see G-Mom. Small dogs were permitted to visit...well..they didn't say how big was small! LOL  The look in her eyes when she saw him..the look in his face when he saw her...PRICELESS!!!  Both of them were uplifted and both of them did better.  So it went ...when I went to see G-Mom so did Fozzie.  No one was more excited when she came home than him.

G-Mom was getting older and her memory was slipping more and more.  Fozzie never left her side.  Where she wandered in the house so did he.  If she fell asleep in the chair ..he came and got me. He was her constant companion. 

In 2008 my mother left for a 5 hour visit with my sister.  She has never come back.  Fozzie was devastated along with me.  He became a different dog.  A sad dog.  He slept in her bed every night for almost a year after she left.  I just couldn't change her room.  His health declined as he was getting older and the poor boy was sad.

When my Mom left and all that mess went on I was devastated.  Fozzie understood.  I don't care what anyone says that boy knew what I was talking about.  He loved her like I did...with all his heart.  We had many conversations about how much we missed her.  His health was failing but he just wouldn't give up. I never imagined he'd make it this long.  I believe with all my heart that he was waiting.  Waiting for G-Mom to come home.  I talked to him about heaven and told him it was wonderful.  I don't want to hear that dogs don't go to heaven.  The God I believe in wouldn't keep them out. I told Fozzie to go...it would be okay.  I told him he could be the outfielder again in heaven.  Nico was waiting for him and one day...one day...G-Mom will meet him there.  I have no doubt the second she shows up one day..Fozzie will still be waiting for her.  Then he will be truly happy again!

CJ held him every day.  Like 2 big goofs CJ would pick him up and hold him like a baby and poor Fozzie ...he loved it.  Often since Fozzie could no longer make the steps I'd come down in the early morning hours and find CJ and Fozzie curled up in a ball together laying on the floor.  Fozzie fought a good fight to stay alive and wait for G-Mom.  As Fozzie got sicker CJ tried to deny it.  He kept saying that Fozzie was just tired.  So on May 18th when I came down in the morning and my big son finally admitted to me that it was Fozzie's time...I looked into those big brown eyes and just knew.  He wanted to rest  in heaven.

So... to my wonderful Fozzie...I love you!  I owe you so much my sweet baby.  You loved my Mom as much as me.  You are the only other one besides me that would have done anything for her.  I promise if I see G-Mom again...I will tell her you waited as long as you could.  I will tell her you never gave up loving her.  Thank you for loving all of us...thank you for all the smiles and hugs.  You will be missed my son...my baby.  One day ...I promise...you will be with G-Mom again...right by her side.

Can My Sanity Be Saved???

Almost a month ago I wrote about my hub's meltdown. http://motherofmany.pnn.com/articles/show/53904-he-s-gonna-have-a-meltdown  The repair man came but didn't take the TV cause he couldn't carry it himself.  He needed help and it wasn't gonna be me.  They told me to call them when one of my boys were home to assist.  I did that and then they didn't come back till last week.

The TV limped on and off depending on its mood until they came back.  My hub came home from work and saw I had brought down our little 19 inch TV and set it in that massive space.  Poor man almost cried! LOL  Yesterday I called the repair shop and they informed me the part they need isn't made anymore.  The TV can't be fixed!  It is under warranty.

I call the warranty number and much to my surprise I find out even though they know the part can't be found they have to wait 5 business days before giving it to the special department for customer resolution.  Ok I can do that.  Then from there that department has 5 business days to decide upon a replacement and offer me 3 choices.  Okay...getting harder.  Then they have to order the replacement and send it UPS and that could take 14-21 days!!!!  That mean another whole month!

I asked for a supervisor at that point since one more month with this small TV will send my hub for sure over the edge of sanity!!!  Small guy (the warranty master) told me that I could not speak to a supervisor.  I told him politely that I understood..he was only a messenger but I'd like to speak to his boss.   He again said no.  Now I'm pretty nice but nice was quickly fading and I wanted a boss.  Ok...I asked for his name...nope ...only his ID###.  At this point I told him a few things I was feeling (no cursing) and told him what a shame his mother didn't feel he was good enough for a name and just gave him a number.  I told him I'd keep him in my prayers that one day he'd find a name and that if he needed help with that...I knew a few that fit! LOL

Now part of my job is helping companies improve their techniques for dealing with customer service.  I do consult work for Major corporations and implement ideas to improve their image with the public and drastically improve their customer relations.  Especially dealing hands on with the customer issues.  This man is in desperate need of my services but I held my tongue.

I called the store where I initially made my purchase 2.3 months ago and asked for a manager.  She was lovely.  I told her the problems I was having with the repair shop and the warranty department and she said she would help.  After a few minutes on hold she told me to bring the TV back and the store would give me a new TV comparable to the one I had.  The TV I had was a projection TV and they don't sell them anymore so I could get something for the same price I paid.  I thanked her and told her I'd be over that night.

I called the repair shop that still had my TV hostage and they did bring it back asap but they had no one to help the driver so that help would have to be me!!!!  When the driver got her together we struggled to transfer the TV to my van.  Seeing that I am only 60 inches tall ...carrying my share of a 52 inch TV is no easy feat! LOL

The hub and I went to the store last night after a fun filled day of high blood pressure.  We picked out 3 and of course they didn't have those in stock.  Okay...find one for us.  The young man brought one out and we agreed.  We took it to customer service for the exchange and lo and behold.  WE CAN'T BUY IT!!!!  It's a special sale for Saturday and the system will not ring it up till then.  Okay now the blood is boiling and the hub knows how I feel about lousy customer service.  I tell him to stand back.  Keep quiet.  This is my area.

They did manage to return my old TV and give me credit on a store card.  BUT WHAT ABOUT MY NEW TV???????????  Seems this is a special secret sale.  In the box with the new 47 " flat screen is a FREE PS3.  There is only 2 per store and if they sold it ahead of time someone would lose their head.  They told me they'd hold it for me till Saturday.  They marked it with my name.  I wrote down their names and had the manager sign a paper telling me that the TV was held and could be picked up Sat. morning @ 7AM.  I will be there @ 6:30. 

So help me if I go there tomorrow morning and that TV isn't here you will here me no matter where you live.  I have a hard time believing it will be there since it is quite a deal.  Apparently the young man who brought it out in the first place just didn't know.  So hopefully tomorrow I will save my hub's sanity....otherwise I will be watching my sanity go right out the window and I'm taking all of them down with me!

TOUGH LOVE

As most of you know my hub and I have raised a few kids over the years that were not born to us.  Angela is one of them.  She came to live with us @ 15 when she got pregnant by her mother’s 27 yr. Old friend.  She is now almost 25 and still giving us a hard way to go.

Over the past 4 years or so she has lived off and on in her own place.  She has also come back home off and on.  I have decided no more.

For the past several months she has come home a few times.  Each time it is because she is fighting with her GF and wants to end things.  The GF will call my house and all our cell phones relentlessly and drive past our house all hours of the day and night beeping that horn!!  Each time Angela stays a bit and then goes back to the drama that relationship involves.  I’m done.

I have put up with the GF calling all hours of the day and night.  Most times she will call more than 100 times in a matter of hours. I kid you not!!  In October and November I reported this to the police.  I had no other options at this point.  I called her Mom but the girl is 22 and the Mom has no control  I suggested taking the cell phone from the girl since it is in the father’s name but the mother is an alcoholic and probably didn’t see the benefits to her if she did so.

In October she not only drove past and did the beeping scenario she called us literally 240 times in 8 hours.  Sometimes just calling and hanging up.  Sometimes threatening to harm me or my kids.  Angela sat by and watched.  She stated she couldn’t do a thing.  Then she’s do talk to her and again they’d be back together. 

November the same thing.  Angela came home to live and the GF starts her non-stop calling campaign.  Calling and hanging up, leaving messages and harassing to the point  none of us were getting any sleep. Finally the GF’s parents had enough and through her out when they discovered she had stolen their credit cards and ran everyone of them up.  Then the calls heated up!  I again called the police.  They were actually here answering my house phone in one hand and my cell phone in the other hand while the GF threatened to burn down my home with me in it!  Nice girl!  Angela did what you’re thinking!  She left one day for work and didn’t come back.

See no one wants to put up with either one of them anymore.  The drama is too tiring and they continue to act like juveniles.  The Gf was homeless so Angela called her mother’s Aunt to let them stay there.  Now mind you this is the same woman who couldn’t care for Angela, her sister or brother when their Mom died although she did try to claim them all on her taxes to get a fat refund.  Oh you know I reported her butt!  This is the same Aunt these kids haven’t heard from in almost 10 yrs.  BUT now she’s the hero.

I’m done with the drama and instituting some tough love.  All Angela’s things are here.  They are going in the trash.  Not one phone call to even tell me where she is…someone else told me.  My heart is broken that I’ve loved her like my own child all these years.  I’ve taught her morals and values and where has she put them?  As for the GF the police charged her with stalking. We went to court the other day.  She didn’t show.  She was found guilty in absentia and there is now a bench warrant out for her address.  I kindly provided the constable with her new address.  He will be picking her up and locking her crazy butt up.  I guess it doesn’t hurt to be friends with the constable now does it!

Oh Angela will cry and scream when the GF gets locked up!  She will try to come up with bail money I’m sure.  Too bad.  Maybe she should have thought about all that when her GF was abusing my family.  Maybe she should have thought about $$ when she stole my daughter’s library book that I had to pay over $50 for to the county.  Maybe she should have thought about all this while my blood pressure soared.  Maybe she should have thought about all this while she tore my heart out and stood by and did nothing to stop it.  She enjoyed the drama.  She enjoyed the GF begging her to come back.

Guess its my turn to now enjoy justice take its course.  I so hope the GF has a wonderful Holiday season in jail with Big Betty.

I’m trying to make light of all this but really my heart is broken that one of the kids of my heart is acting this badly.  I love her …but like her is not the word I’d use for her behavior.  I am ashamed of her and can only hope she grows up one day.  Until them she definitely has taught my own kids as well as her little sister who lives with us the value of family.  They are all appalled at her for letting someone treat any of us in this manner.

Tough love is not only tough on the receiver….it breaks the heart of the giver too!  I just have to love her enough to be tough so that one day she sees the light!

A Holiday Challenge For All

The holidays are upon us and we often get overwhelmed with all the hustle and bustle of the season.  We're running here and there to fill those lists of the ones we love and get so caught up in the parties, gifts and decorations we forget that there are so many who won't be attending parties or getting any gifts this year.

I know many have struggled this year with job cut backs, pay cuts and unemployment.  I know its a struggle some days to pay all the bills and still have money to feed our families.  Gifts are really stretching our funds and piles under the tree will be much smaller.  But imagine...no tree?  No gifts?  No home?  No family to help you?

Personally this has been a tough year for us financially but we have a roof over our heads, food on our plates and the bills are getting paid...maybe a little slower but nonetheless paid. 

Every year I have some kind of mission for the Christmas season.  Last year I collected donations for a family in my area. They received approx. $7000.00 in gift cards and gifts.   This year I thought why not collect for many families?  Why not give a little to many?  I wanted the donations to have a true impact on someone's lives...I came up with the perfect solution.  This year I am collecting for the ladies of the same shelter the PNN ladies and I first visited in June.  They touch my heart and there are so many families there doing without the everyday things in life.

At this time of year everyone wants to donate and collect toys for kids so that is covered.  I wanted the donations to have an impact on their lives at least a little.  I spoke to the director and you guessed it...diaper donations are at an all time low.  So since I want to keep it simple I am collecting diapers, wipes, small gifts for the Moms and PJ's for the kids.  Diapers obviously since they need them so urgently, small gifts for the Moms since we all know Moms go last on the list and PJs cause they are not something parents with no $$ can afford.  They are a luxury to some families especially in a shelter situation.

I put our the call to all my contacts in my email lists.  Shouted it out to my FB friends and asked anyone who wants to go to join me in dropping off the donations on Dec. 13th.  In addition I asked each person who'd like to join me to sponsor one Mom of the shelter and we are each taking one Mom out to lunch per person.

I've received a few takers on the lunch.  The diaper donations haven't trickled in so much yet but I'm sure they will and I scored big time on the PJs yesterday @ $3 a pair.  I too am struggling this year but still managed to buy 20 pairs of jammies.  It's the right thing for me to do.  Our very own Peabea sent me some $$ and I bought 10 pairs with her donation making the total 30 pairs of jammies!  Woo Hoo! Thank You Peabea.

My one son asked me "MOM why are you doing this?  We didn't have such a good year ourselves MOM and we don't have it right now."  I looked at him and told him to think about all the kiddos out there with nothing...really nothing.  I asked him "Really what do you think about having no toys, no bed of your own, no coat, no new clothes, no PJs, no diapers for your little brother or sisters butt?"  He looked at me and said " I don't need so much this year MOM...give them some of my presents.  I get it now..sorry MOM."  I told him "our lives are good. We have each other.  We're all healthy and happy.  God has been good to us and blessed us...we need to pass that on."

My kids make their lists and know I'll do my best to get most of their wants..not all...but most.  Each year I ask them to tell me one thing from the list they'd give up to thank God for having such wonderful lives.  To thank him for being such a wonderful being in our lives.  Each child in my home gives up one item and we take that amount and use it to help someone who might not have it so good.  For us its going to be to help the Moms of the shelter. 

In addition I have a friend who is collecting small toiletries for the elderly @ a nursing home.  We're going to set a date to distribute them and my son is going to buy silk carnations and place them in vases for us to give to the residents who don't get many visitors. As most of you know I don't get to see or hear from my own Mother and this year is especially hard for me.  I miss her like crazy so in honor of my Mother I am donating what I would like to spend on my own Mom to the elderly @ the nursing home.  Maybe my Mom will feel that love.

Another friend is collecting for the soldiers.  My own Father was a soldier way back.  He has been deceased many years.  So in honor of my father I made my donation to her cause too!

My older son sat down the other day and just shook his head.  He said "You do know MOM you can't help everyone."  I looked at him and just stared...He smiled and said " I know MOM, I know...you can damn well try though right!"  Ahhh he's finally catching one! LOL 

So finally here is my challenge to you!  I'd like each one of you to donate to someone.  Anyone who is struggling worse than you might be.  Even if its a few coloring books and crayons to the shelter in your area or a family in need. It doesn't matter how big or small your donation...it only matters that it comes from your heart!

I promise you when you focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  You will receive back tenfold...When you give.... the gift of joy you receive is awesome!  I promise!

No Turkey For You!

Well turkey day is coming fast and we all know on that day we try to spend it eating good food and being thankful with family.  Due to some serious banking errors on the part of my bank our Thanksgiving Day will not be filled with turkey.  Spaghetti will be more like it this year.

This year has been rough on alot of us.  I know there are so many with situations rougher than mine and believe me I am thankful for everything I have.  But I did think I would be able to make a turkey and share a meal with my family.  My hub and I have no mortgage thankfully.  I do have a very small equity loan and we decided to refinance to save on the interest rates.  I have NO CREDIT CARDS even though I do have great credit.  I just prefer to not deal with them at all.  I applied for a loan and thought it was approved but found out it was written incorrectly and the bank had messed up.  We had to start the process over.  Again they messed up and I've been waiting 3 long weeks.  I was sure it would be approved so I paid in advance a few bills with money I had saved for a new oven as I have been without one for weeks. Now I find out the bank rep didn't do the proper paperwork and again I have to wait.

I am a very patient and forgiving woman but this is ridiculous.  I have spoken to the regional manager of the bank and he has apologized and assured me I'll know by Monday @ noon if the loan is approved.  He has offered me a $25 gift certificate as an apology.  Really I'd like to tell him where to shove that! LOL Chances are by the time they release the $$ it will be too late to buy an oven in time for Thanksgiving.  Now I have my own 9 members of my immediate family and a neighbors family of 5 who have been down on their luck and no way to cook the 30 lb turkey in my freezer.

I know I shouldn't be upset but I am.  How do I tell my kids there will be no turkey.  Who has spaghetti for thanksgiving?  I feel like I dropped the ball.  I feel like somehow I've failed my kids.  Honestly...I feel awful.

Someone suggested that I buy those prepared meals.  Are you kidding me???  They cost over $50 and feed a family of 4.  I'd need at least 3 of those and I don't have the $$ to spend as I have already bought all the food.  I'm just hoping God will help me find a way.

Know Your Worth

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in..

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

I'm not sure who wrote this but I wanted to pass this on to all of you.

Don't forget how much each and every one of you are worth.

You are all priceless gifts.

He's Gonna Have a Meltdown!!!!

Today the worst thing my husband could possibly think of has happened.....HIS BELOVED TV IS BROKEN!!!!!!!

I stopped by while I was working today and my husband sat in silence.  I couldn't figure out what was different for a minute and then my son pointed to the TV.  My husband sat with his feet up in the recliner silently staring at the wall.  Then it hit me....Oh Dear God the TV had died!!!  My husband was in serious mourning mode.  He loves that thing almost as much as he loves me!  I worried...Would he be okay???  What will happen to my husband now?  How will he handle the silence?

I dared to speak...."uh hun...are you okay?" He grunted.  I tried again " what happened?"  Nothing!!!  My son informs me the bulb inside this damn projection TV had expired, kaput, no more!!!  Now.. we had this happen once before and it took 5 days to get a repair guy out here with the right bulb.  Apparently the bulbs aren't popular and they have to be ordered.  They run $200.  Now we only paid $800 for the TV 2 yrs ago and this will be the 2nd $200 bulb.

I looked at my hub and watched him slowly climb the stairs.  Would he be okay?  I called up to him.  He didn't reply.

A few minutes later I heard our bedroom close.  I snuck up slowly...afraid of what I'd find....hub is currently hiding in our room with a little tiny 20 something inch TV.  I guess he'll come down for meals but I'm thinking he'll be up there for at least 5 days!

Ladies...I kid you not...this is gonna be one rough weekend.  He's beginning to go through withdrawal!!!!!!!

A Time To Be Thankful

Especially at this time of year we should all take the time to think about the things we are thankful for in our lives.  I know so many have had a very hard year but it could always be so much worse no matter how bad it seems.  Each day is a new beginning.  Each day is a new chance for all of us. 

We could all sit and complain about our hardships but really....our cups are half full.  It's all in how we choose to look at it!  I choose half full. 

We need to savor the little things in life.  Later on we will see they were really the big things.

I am thankful for each and every child I have in my home and my heart.

I am thankful for my home and the ability to pay the heating bills.

I am thankful I can provide my children with enough food every day.

I am thankful for the opportunity of each new day.  A new chance to make things great.

I am thankful for my husband and every scrinkle that line his eyes.  For each one was put their with a smile or the sound of his laughter.

I am thankful for each one of you for you have touched my heart and my soul.

Now I could go on and on but I like to share.

What are you thankful for?

She Cared Enough To Tell

I have to admit I have been a little preoccupied lately with some issues concerning my children.  One of them was a matter of life and death.  Not my daughter's life but one of her friends.

My daughter has a very good friend I will just call J.  J has been coming around since the beginning of freshmen year.  We know she doesn't have a very good relationship with her mother and an even worse one with her stepfather.  I believe this is the mother's responsibility.  J's Dad died from a heart attack when she was 9.  She is now 15.  J's mother, stepfather and their baby went to Disney in September for 2 weeks.  J and her full brother weren't permitted to go.  J stayed with us for the 1st 4 days and then with the 21 yr. old Aunt.  Who knows where the brother stayed.  J's mother always makes a scene in front of my house when she picks up J.  I have never met her.  J is often unhappy.

Last Wednesday late at night ..J texted my daughter Brianna over 20 times detailing her own suicide.  The what, when, where and why all on the screen.  She begged Brianna to promise not to tell.  Brianna told her she would not do that and begged J to just talk it out. She promised to help her no matter what.  I was already asleep when this occurred and had fallen asleep again in the morning and Brianna went to school without telling me. 

Thursday morning she saw J.  J told her that the plans were a go.  Brianna broke down and reported to the guidance office and told the couselor everything. She showed her the texts.  Brianna was inconsolable and the counselor called me in.  My poor girl...she didn't want to wake me.  I hugged her and told her I was so proud of her.  She did the right thing. 

They must have called J's mother in and she was told of the texts.  J denied.  The mother texted Bri and thanked her.  J texted and said thank you ...you saved my life.  That tone changed when they got home.  The mother called my kid and demanded the texts be forwarded to her.  I took the phone.  The mother was in full self survival mode and blamed my child.  She said my kid lied.  I told her I understood she was upset but Brianna did the right thing and I was sorry she couldn't see her daughter was in crisis.  She used some colorful words and I bit my tongue and just hung up.  I did however call the counselor and they got the same impression as I did. 

The texts continued from the mom and the girl texted she felt betrayed.  Brianna texted J that at least she was still alive to feel!

Friday morning was more of the same so Brianna stayed home again.  Friday afternoon J called.  She left a message.  She had seen a counselor.  She was diagnosed as bipolar.  She thanked Bri.  She asked for forgiveness. 

Brianna and I just hung out and talked.  She cried and I cried.  She really struggled with forgiving but eventually decided to forgive but told J she needs time.  She can't just take up where they left off.  She needs space.  Brianna is very upset and just doesn't understand why anyone would be so upset they would even think about taking their own life let alone planning it.

I am so proud of Brianna it hurts.  She did right by her friend because she cares so much for her...she knew not to promise to keep quiet. She valued her friend's life enough to risk losing the friendship over anger on J's part.   She is right...she gave her friend the opportunity to be heard and heal.  Honestly I think the kid counted on Brianna to tell. I believe it was a cry for help and I will forever be so damn proud of Brianna for being a wonderful friend and hearing that cry!

Social services has been called in by the school and now the ball is in there court.  Hopefully this selfish mom will see one day soon just how close she could have come to losing her baby for a lifetime. 

Suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Kids these days seem to be dealing with so many more pressures than we did.  I remember when the hardest problem a teenager encountered with friends was if someone flirted with their boyfriend. 

My husband and I are taking extra time with Brianna.  J isn't the only one who has suffered.  Brianna dealt with a horrible situation in a very grown up way.  She needs time to heal and we will hold her hand every step of the way.  My sons have also been very supportive and are taking it easy on her.  They understand as they lost their friend to suicide a new short weeks ago.

Another Halloween Bites the Dust

  It occurred to me that I have been taking kids trick or treating for 22 years now.  My youngest kiddos are almost 11 and my trick or treating days are numbered.  The pictures show my son Nick as a crazed Phillies fan and the pants I painstakingly made him all with my own 2 little hands.LOL  The other picture is of my twins Nick and Lauren in their halloween finest.  Lauren was dressed as the Queen of Hearts.  Just thought I'd give you a chance to see my little guys.  Wonder if next year they will still want to trick or treat with MOM tagging along????

Check for Sexual Offenders in Your Neighborhood

Just thought it might be a good idea for all of you to check this site for sex offenders in your neighborhood.  Just put in your zip code and it will tell you the address of any offenders as well as if they work near you.  You should be able to see the convictions and a picture.  I know we have a few in our area and I have actually shown my kids their houses and shown them their pictures online.

Good Luck and let's keep all our kiddos safe this Halloween!

familywatchdog.us

Recipe for Golubtski aka Stuffed Cabbage

Jen and Yanka...here is a great recipe for golubtski aka stuffed cabbage that is pretty easy. My mother always made this and here is how she did it.  I know I love stuffed cabbage and now I am hungry...I think I'll be making it tomorrow.

Ingredients:

1 or 2 large heads of cabbage

2-3 teaspoons of canola oil

1/2 cup chopped onion

2 lbs of ground beef

2 cups of rice (brown or white depending on what you like)

1 beaten egg

Salt and pepper to taste

2 cans condensed tomato soup

2  1/2 cups water

1)Core the cabbage and put in a large pot of boiling water, cover and cook about 8 minutes until the leaves are soft enough, remove all the leaves.2)saute the onion 3) mix the meat, onion, rice, egg, salt and pepper. 4)take each leaf and place a heaping spoonful of meat mixture on it.  Tuck the sides over the meat while rolling each leaf around meat. 5) chop any remaining cabbage and place some on bottom of dutch oven (I don't have one so I just use a very large pot) 6)layer cabbage rolls then cover with remaining cabbage. combine tomato soup with water, stir, then pour over cabbage and rolls. 7) cover, bring to a boil then reduce heat and simmer about 1 1/2 hours.  MAKES 6-8 SERVINGS

Now this is all I can think about!  Good luck ladies and let me know how it turns out!

Stop Sweating the Small Stuff

 Some really good advice from one great lady.  Stop sweating the small stuff...in the end those things really don't matter.

 
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck 
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer). 

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. 
  
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. 
  
I would have talked less and listened more. 
  
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. 
  
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. 
  
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
  
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. 
  
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. 
  
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains. 

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.. 
  
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. 
  
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. 

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.' 

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.look at it and really see it . . live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! 

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what 
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

I see so many of you lately fretting over the small things in life.  Let's just let them go and enjoy life a little more.  Enjoy our families a little more.  Let the dust bunnies roam free for just a bit...really they don't eat much so let them be.  Have fun...do whatever brings a smile to your face.  Have a great weekend!  Big Hugs to all of you!

Devastating News For My Son

Today is a very sad day here at our house.  My son is having a very hard time dealing with a horrible situation.  My son's friend took his own life late yesterday afternoon.  The child was only 21.  He hung himself in his family's home.

We got the call about 6:30PM.  My son was @ work.  I told my husband I would go to my sons work and tell him face to face.  I didn't want him to hear from someone else.  When I got there I learned he had already found out and had gone home.

This boy was a friend of my son in high school.  They played on the same baseball team for years.  Now anyone who knows my son knows he lives and breathes sports even now.  This boy traveled a much different path than my son after high school.  He got in trouble, did alot of drugs and gave his Dad a real run for his money.

Now we've heard over the years of his struggles to find the right path and we knew his Dad finally had to show him some tough love.  About 2 weeks ago my son heard from B after not hearing from him for some time.  He sent him an email that broke my heart and touched my son in a way that shook him. B said that he had moved back home with his Dad after some time on his own. B sent an email asking my son to hang out more.  B told my son he wanted to be more like him and told him that he's always looked up to my son for being so real.  He wanted to play on the adult baseball team and football teams my son runs and was willing to do whatever was needed to be part of the group again.  He needed that.  He needed to be around guys who were clean cut and had direction in their lives. The email went on and on and made me cry.  It was such a touching email and an affirmation that my son had the power to touch someone's life so directly.

My son emailed him back and told him he was here for him and welcomed him to the team.  He didn't know where they could get him in but it would be somewhere.  They sent a few texts back and forth and he was to show up at this weeks game. 

Apparently B. had something occur in his life that overwhelmed him and he just lost touch with reality and took his own life.  He posted a message on facebook right before the horror.  It said "I love you all.  I am so sorry."  Now I don't want to speculate what it was but I have a feeling it has to do with his girlfriend.

All I could do is sit here with my son last night and be quiet.  He would talk a little and then watch Tv.  We did this all night long.  My son is just having a hard time understanding what could be so bad that tomorrow couldn't fix.  He is devastated. He is questioning what more he could have done and why he didn't see it coming.  He's asking me for answers.  All I can tell him is that B was trying to get his life together.  He was working the program but something must have set him off.  Something that overtook his senses at least for awhile.  I told him that in order for someone to take his own life they could not have been in the right state of mind at the time.

I hate these times as my kids grow older that Mommy can't fix it anymore.  I can't mend this one.  I can't fight this battle for him...there is no one to fight.  All I can do is be here for my son while he struggles through one of life's hazards.  Caring comes with battle scars sometimes.  This is one of those battles.

I have no doubt my son will get through this and I promise to be at his side holding his hand all the way.  Wiping his tears if need be.  My heart bleeds for B's Dad.  He has raised him from infancy alone.  The birth mother walked years ago and handed him his son when they were only teenagers.  He was a great Dad.  All the guys are rallying around him...they are giving him the only comfort they know how to give.  They are sharing their hearts with him.

Please say a prayer for B's family.  They need them so much to get through this.  Make sure you stress to all the young people you know that nothing is that bad that the only answer is to take your own life.  I plan on reminding all my kids and their friends that I am always here for them no matter what.  I don't ever want to have to hear again that someone felt so alone in that moment that they could find no other way out of their misery.

Parents Denied Entrance

Pa. State law requires all school employees to undergo  background checks but it does not require its volunteers to do the same.Our School Board told me it was law.  Do they think I can't read?

I have been battling our school board for 2 solid days over a ridiculous rule they have put in place in our schools. Any volunteer who will be in our schools, at a school function or in contact with our students to secure a police criminal history report, a child abuse clearance, tuberculosis test results and a federal criminal history report and fill out an application that looks like an employment form complete with SS#, past job experience, did you ever get fired or quit a job and why.  Those who have been convicted of a criminal offense will be decided on case by case.

Now at first glance you are saying this is a great rule but when you understand all it covers you will be shaking your head just as I am!  For example..we have a fall dance Nov. 6th.  The fall dance is at night attended by students WITH their parents.  We have people who volunteer to take tickets, sell sodas, cook hot dogs and walk around the dance making sure everything is ok.  We have special persons day.  A special person for each child sits in the classroom with the teacher and children for 20 minutes while the kids make a presentation.  We have an apple picking trip set up for the kids where each kid goes with a parent on the bus to an orchard. These parents are now not permitted to volunteer at the dance without those clearances even though each child is with their own parents.  The apple picking trip has been cancelled due to the fact that parents do not have the clearances.  Special persons day will be cancelled if Grandma doesn't have a special list of clearances. 

Let's just say Grandma wants to go to the dance with little Chuckie.  She fills out the forms and they find that she was convicted of selling weed when she was 18.  She sold 5 joints to some guy.  Should we nail grandma's butt to the wall and deny her entrance to the dance.  I mean grandma is now 72 years old.  Do I care if she did that way back then?  Or how about the Dad who had a DUI at 20 and he's now 45.  Do I have the right to tell him that he can't come?  No but according to our school board they do!

While I absolutely understand that volunteers who come into the school on a regular basis should have these clearances I do not understand why it is now necessary to have a clearance to attend a dance with your own child or to pick apples with your own kid. Why on earth does the guy who will be grilling hot dogs have to have a clearance?  What could he possible do to the hot dogs?  Really this is over the top!  Now if my memory serves correctly no one at the hospital asked me for clearances to take my children home.  I didn't have to pass a test to have them.(although some women should have to take that test)

While I will fill out the forms myself why should both parents have to fill these out to attend a dance?  The cost for a couple to fill out the forms and get the tb test is over $200 and that depends on the amount the doctor visit costs you.  All this to go watch a 1st grader run around a gym. 

We have 9 school board members.  I called all 9.  5 of them agreed with me.  4 ignored my calls.  I was told the apple picking trip would be excluded and could go on.  I was told the dance would be excluded.  They lied.  Now it has to go before the board on Oct. 27th.  Guess where I'll be.  You bet your butt I will be in the front row with a posse behind me making damn sure they clarify the difference between a volunteer and a chaperone.  I mean really what's next...clearances to watch my older kids play on the basketball team.  Or maybe that's the rule already. 

This rule was brought to my attention by our principal.  She called me to alert me what was going on.  She needed me to make waves and get this sorted out so that it was logical and reasonable.  She sent out a paper to all parents in her school and told them the trip was cancelled due to the clearance issue.  She has already received calls from the administration that she is being insubordinate by telling me although they can't prove that she told me. 

It all boils down to covering their butts and the size of their swollen egos.  I had one board member ask me if I was trying to scare him by saying I would be at the meeting to make sure they straightened this out.  I am not scary.  I am straight forward.  I tell the truth and never beat around the bush.  I'm too busy for those games.  I am a mother and I am on a mission.  I did promise him that I will be at the dance with both my kids...my clearance will not be back in time.  I'd like to see them drag this Mom out.  Wish me luck on getting this extreme rule changed to be a little more reasonable!

Saying Goodbye To The Past

I got the news last week that the high school I had attended as well as all my brothers and sisters will close its doors forever as of June 2010.  I graduated long ago in 1983...back in the old days.  It was a great Catholic High School right in my neighborhood and I guess I just figured it would be the one thing that would be there forever in the area that I call home to this day.

I learned they were having a "Save the School" rally to fight the Archdioscese of Philadelphia.  While I believe the powers that be would have never announced the closing without a buyer for the massive property and that it is pretty much a done deal with no hope I still chose to attend.  Saturday was a rainy, windy,miserable day in our area and my husband questioned why I would still attend.  I knew I had to go but to put it in words was another ordeal in itself.

I drove the 30 minutes in the rain and arrived on time.  There were cars everywhere and I had to park several blocks away near the park where I had spent many days of my youth to find a spot.  I arrived at the rally and was overwhelmed with how many had braved the weather to cheer on our great school.  I stood in the crowd with my umbrella and didn't say a word.  I listened to every speaker who touted the school's excellent record and spoke of a battle to save its existence.  A teacher I had back in the stone age spoke..he is still there..he never fails to produce the best in the math field to this day...he said he will be like a ship lost at sea without this school.  I believe him..he has taught there for over 35 years.

I looked around and realized I recognized not one person in the crowd.  I did recognize several speakers but no one in the crowd looked familiar to me.  The crowd appeared to be mostly older alumni than me and current students and their parents.  Now that doesn't mean no one my age was there it may just mean not the people I knew.  One man did approach me and gave me a huge hug..."Oh Carol...You look wonderful.  How have you been?  I've looked for you for years."  I hated to burst his bubble but I had to...I am not Carol.  He seemed saddened but I told him I did appreciate the hug.

I moved away from the crowd and just took the whole scene in.  Tears formed in my eyes and I got quite upset.  I was there for a reason and now I had the words.  I had to go there that day to say goodbye.  Not just to a school but to the carefree days so long ago. 

For some that school was just a school.  To me it was part of my neighborhood. I lived just blocks away for 33 years.   It was part of my family for many years.  I met my boyfriend there the first day of school.  He was my boyfriend for 6 years.  I met some of my best friends there.  I went sledding on those hills since the day I could walk.  I partied in those woods and enjoyed every "keg on the cliff."  I walked through those woods to get to my friends house almost every day.  I just thought it would always be there for me like family and now like my family it will be gone too.

I went there to thank my parents for sacrificing to send us to Catholic School.  To thank them for giving me a great education.  I went there to to tell my parents I appreciated them and loved them even if my Dad is gone and my Mom unavailable.

The neighborhood has changed and with the school gone I fear it will deteriorate more than it is now. I left the rally and walked through the park to my car and all the memories of the park flooded me. I found myself bawling in the park all alone and seeing my brothers and sisters right there on the swings.  I remembered the time I left my sister in the stroller and went home with my brother in a cop car cause he had fallen.  I remembered the whooping I got for leaving the baby behind.

I said my goodbye's to honor my parents.  I didn't always understand their ways but I appreciate everything they had done to raise me.  Families don't always stay the same either but I know my memories can never be taken away.  Those are mine to keep.  So thank you Mom and Dad for all of those memories, for all of that love.  You are here with me right now in my heart and no one can take that away!

Serving a Slice of Humble Pie

Last week my daughter Brianna had an appointment at one of the top children's hospitals in Philly.  Her appointment was to check her spine for the 2nd time to see what could be done for her.

Her appointment was for 7:45 AM so we had to leave our house by 6:30 to get there in time.  We arrived in plenty of time...I hate to be late.  We checked in and went upstairs for x-rays.  We were escorted to a cubicle and settled in to wait for the doc.  We know the drill...you almost never see the doc on time but since we were the first appointment of the day our chances had to be good right?  No!  The doc strolled in at 10:00 AM.  No excuse, no apology, all business.  He looked over the films, looked at her back and said she needed physical therapy for muscle issues.  He was in and out in 5 minutes flat.  The nurse came in and asked if I had any questions.  I had just one..."Who told that man his butt is made of gold and he has the right to be so ignorant?"  She just shook her head.  I told her he was a very arrogant man and he was ignorant to boot.  She agreed and said I wasn't the first one to mention that fact.

We headed to PT and the receptionist asked if we had a good visit.  One look at my face gave it away! I was pissed to say the least.  She mentioned that the doc was a surgeon and was rarely on time including the first appointment of the day.  He had no respect for other people's time.  I told her good old doc wasn't going to get very far in life by being such an arrogant disrespectful man and she just smiled.

I left that hospital mad as a tick on a skinny dog's butt!  I was mad!

Now imagine my surprise when my cell phone rang 4 days later and it was none other than the arrogant doc.  He explained that he was calling to apologize after hearing I was so annoyed with his behavior.  (News travels fast in hospitals but damn that was really fast)  I told him I understood what he does is important and I understand having to wait but I did think it would go a long way if he could at least acknowledge the patient and the parent when he came in the room. I told him to remember we aren't numbers...these are our kids...our hearts.  I said " I know its not easy seeing so many sick kids every day and I know you are so busy but what about the parents who travel from all over the region to see you?  You need to appreciate the fact that they were patient and waited or you wouldn't have a job.  Imagine what your own mother would have to say if she knew how arrogant you've become because of your talent.  I don't appreciate you disrespecting my time.  A simple ...hey I'm sorry I'm late would have sufficed. You know doc we all put our pants on one leg at a time.  You are no better than anyone else."  The doc was quiet for a moment and then said "Mrs. B I am sorry.  You're right.  I heard the other day you were mad and I took a few days to mull it over.  I even mentioned it to my own mother and she was appalled at my behavior.  What I do shouldn't be anymore respected than what you do every day....take care of a sick child.  I am sorry I disrespected you and I plan to be more compassionate in the future.    I guess I get so wrapped up in fixing these kids that I forget to appreciate the fact how much these kids go through and how much sacrifice their parents actually make each day.  I promise to do better."  I told him I so appreciated his call...he had made my day! We chatted a few minutes and he said..."Mrs. B thanks for calling me on my behavior...I would hate to think I would have gone on the rest of my career being an ass...Brittany is important to me and I want her to have the best doctor."  I started to laugh...I couldn't help it...I told him his call was a great start but maybe next time...he should look at the chart before calling...my daughter's name is Brianna.  We both laughed and again he apologized.

Now I'm sure I'm not the first parent to complain and I sure did make my feelings known in PT and to the nurse.  I suspect they all felt the same way too.  Maybe my comments were just repeated to the right person, maybe I was just a little more vocal about it...who knows.  It doesn't really matter.  I do believe that young man learned a lesson that day.  I do believe he will be more respectful to his patients and improve his bedside manner.  Maybe all he needed was a slice of my humble pie.  I'm glad he enjoyed it!

Sprinkling the Stars

Well, well who knew!  Obviously I didn't but now that I do ...I'm gonna do my best.

What the heck am I talking about?  Well of course...the STARS.  I knew I could star each one of you but I did not know I could give anyone more than one star.  Imagine my surprise when I discovered I could star each section on your pages.  I felt like a kid in a candy store!

So for the next couple of days I am going to try to get to each of your pages and spread those STARS like wildfire! I feel like a fairy godmother just swooshing in and sprinkling those stars all over your pages.  I just think they are a very nice way to tell all of you that to me you are all special and touch my heart.

I'm also going to try harder to remember to vote for your posts.  I do put my vote in most of the time but sometimes I'm rushing to read what you wrote I forget to vote.

Have a great day ladies and enjoy the STARS.  In my eyes you are all STARS!

WOO HOO These Boobs are Back in Action

I am so excited today.  Not even a kid disaster could shake this good mood!

Several weeks ago I found a lump in my breast.  I was very worried and made an appointment with my doc right away.  I mean come one...these are my boobs and a lump is no joke.  Although I had my yearly Mammo in March and it was all good my doc set me up for a cones mammo and an ultrasound just to be sure cause he felt the lump too!  I know the lump was new cause I do self exams often.

I went for the mammo and ultrasound last week and sure enough they felt the lump too but they had a hard time getting a clear shot at it as the lump was right in the crease below the breast.  They suggested very strongly for me to see a breast surgeon asap.  I did made the appointment as soon as I got home and was kind of upset that it would take a whole week. Really a week is pretty good and I should not have gotten so upset.

My brothers and I have a strained relationship but I did confide in them.  They told me to keep them posted.  I figured they were just saying that to be polite.

I spent the week trying to not think about it and I did pretty good but yesterday when I picked up the films and reports I lost it.  I had to pull over on the side of the road and just cry.  All the what ifs hit me all at once and I have to admit I was very scared.  I started thinking about all the things that could be wrong.  I mean really...a lump could mean cancer.  Who would take care of my kids?  How would I tell them?  I did get it together and push the thoughts out of my mind to drive home.  I mean really I was getting ahead of the game.

I missed my mother so much right then it hurt.  I needed my Mom but since I have explained before my Mom is physically and mentally unavailable to me I had no where to turn. I so needed her love and her strength.  I so wished for her arms to just hold me once again.

It took the hub a few minutes to realize I was upset and he held me in his arms and reassured me whatever the outcome we would do this together.  I am not one to take the hub to the docs with me but he insisted on this one. 

I went this morning and after reviewing my reports, film and a thorough exam the doc said I am A...OK!  Woo Hoo!  The sense of relief was overwhelming and it took me a minute to regain composure!  She thinks its just a fatty tumor and we'll keep an eye on it with mammos every 6 months but it looks good and she gave me the thumbs up!

My hub held me and I cried and he even shed a few tears he didn't want me to see!  He looked me right in the eyes and I anticipated something profound...something romantic....he said "Thank God the Boobs are Back!"  Woo Hoo!

Poor guy was just as worried as I was but held it all inside.  He didn't want to make things worse for me.

So I guess what I am saying is today I am so thankful that all it is a fatty tumor.  I am thankful that God heard my prayers.  I am thankful that I am healthy.  I am thankful for everything in my life.

I still wish I could tell my Mom and she could hold me and rejoice with me but since I can't do that...I figured I'd share here with all of you.

Those of you who do self exams...excellent. Those of you who get yearly mammos...wonderful.  Those of you who keep putting it off...get moving!  Those boobs are important.  You are important.  If you don't take care of them who will!  If you are scared...let me know...I will hold you if even over the phone or here on PNN.  I will rejoice with you or walk that mile with you!  Whatever you do don't hesitate.  Get it done...it may just save your life.

Big hugs to all of you!  It's gonna be a great weekend...I can just tell!

When Will Men Learn?

Someone sent this to me and I just thought I'd share.  We all need a good laugh sometimes.

Go Ahead Make His Day

The sign says "I can make it to the fence in 2.8 seconds ...Can You?

This is probably the greatest sign I've seen in a long time!  I'm voting for the dog to win!

Why Me MOM?

My son seems to never have a dull moment in his life.  For such a young man he has had to deal with many hard situations that really weren't his to deal with at all. Some have been way up there on the scale and this latest one is no different.

My son has a friend from his high school days that I will just refer to as "R."  R moved shortly after graduation and has been away for a little over 2 years.  Within the last 6 months R moved back to the area with her 2 yr. old daughter to live again with her grandparents.  R hangs out with my son on occasion and they are strictly friends.

A few weeks ago R was at my home with my son and another friend hanging out and having a few beers. Halfway through the night there was a knock on our door.  My son answered it since we were all asleep but him and his friends.  It was R's ex boyfriend.  Seems she dated him a month or two and he was having issues with their break up.  My son and the other young man who was here headed outside to assure the ex it was better for him to leave and assured him they were all just friends.  Maybe he could just speak to R in the morning.  My son was curious and asked how he knew where we lived.  Apparently google is that boy's friend. The ex left and all was fine.

Last Friday my son was at school when he received a text from R.  Could he come over asap? She needed him.  My son headed over and had no idea the ride that was ahead. 

Seems earlier that morning R answered a knock on the door and the ex barged right in.  He held a gun to her head and told her to be quiet.  The ex beat her with the end of the gun and raped that poor girl right in front of her baby.  She was battered and bruised to say the least.

My son gathered R into his arms and held her tight.  He told her he would stand beside her through all this.  He took her to the police station and went with her to the hospital.  He held her and cried with her.  He has been her rock.

Saturday the police had the girl come to the DA's office.  The ex called.  They listened.  The ex admitted during the call what he had done and threatened her he wasn't done with her.  He told her no one would believe her word against his...maybe...but his own words did just fine!  The police were undercover outside her house for her family's protection.  The ex was arrested inside her house right after the call. Thankfully no one was home.  He had broken in with his gun drawn to finish what he had started. He was arrested and is now out on a million dollars bail.  The girl has 24 hour police protection.

My son has been there for her and held her up.  I see how hard this is for him.  I know he will be there for her throughout this whole nightmare. 

We sat and talked yesterday.  With tears in his eyes he asked me "Why do people turn to me with the hardest things Mom?  I know they have to tell someone ...I'm not complaining..but why me Mom?  This is so hard. It hurts so bad that I can't fix this Mom. Why does the sign flash on my head..Tell me your problems ..I will help."

We both sat here crying and I looked into that sweet young man's eyes and told him what I have told him before.  He is so compassionate.  He has something about him that can't resist trying to reach out to help.  He would do anything for anyone who needed him and that shows in all he is and does.  His compassion leaves others feeling safe to trust him with their deepest hurts.  They know he is their safe place.  He may not be able to fix things but he can offer them what they need to help themselves.  He gives them the strength to do what they have to do.  He listens and cares.  He is a wonderful man.

I have no doubt this won't be the last hard thing he hears.  It's who he is inside.  He reaches out.  He cares deeply. 

I gathered my 6ft baby as well as I could into my arms and just let him cry.  He looked up at me and said "You know this is your fault.  I'm just like you Mom.  You taught me to love.  You taught me to care.  Thank you Mom."

I don't know that this will be easy on him but I do know it will be harder on R than on anyone else.  My son realizes that too!  He knows he will have the strength he needs to stand by R's side and help her through this.  He knows she needs him and he will not fail her.  She is a lucky girl to have him as her friend.  He knows at the end of the day he can always come home and snuggle up in my arms and I will give him my strength.  Afterall he is my baby no matter how old.

Please keep R in your prayers.  She will need all the help she can get to make her way through this ordeal and heal.

Who's Hands Are These

As I looked down at my hands I had to wonder who they belonged to.  Surely they weren't mine.  Weren't mine smooth and tan?  Weren't  mine slender and agile?  These hands I saw were old and worn.  There must be some mistake.  I felt sad just seeing them for they are not the hands of my youth.

My husband walked in and saw I was upset.  He reached for my hands and held them tight.  He looked into my eyes and spoke softly.  He said "These are the hands of the gorgeous woman I married.  The woman who crept out with me long after dark.  They are the hands of a wonderful mother who has rocked our babies .  They are the hands of a mother who played ball with our children and soothed them when they were sad.  These hands have made many a boo boo go away with just their touch.  These are the hands that have held our teenagers well into the night after their first heartbreak.  These are the hands of the woman I draw my strength from and the woman I cherish.  Please don't be sad...these hands are full of loving memories.  They are forever young in my eyes because today I look and still see the hands of love."

Postal's Dad Hair

Source: www.DADHAIR.COM

I Need Your Help

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen

We all know PNN is a place we have found love, support, laughs and friendships....right! Well today I am asking all of you to head on over to one of our own ladies page....MYBOOBIESPLACE http://myboobiesplace.pnn.com/articles/show/50930-cheaper-iced-coffee...and leave a comment of support, love or laughter. We have all been in that place where we struggled to get back up again when our spirits have taken a whooping.  This wonderful lady needs all of us now to help her back up and to see the wonderful woman we see.  Her latest  post is above.  Your comment doesn't really have to pertain to coffee.  Just let her know we are here for her.  Just show her some love!!!

Thanks...I knew I could count on all of you!!! Have a great day!

Thank You

I just wanted to thank all of you for giving me the honor of being voted Most Supportive Commenter of the Month along with my wonderful buddy Jen.  Jen is a wonderful woman who never ceases to amaze me with her ability to find the fun in everything.  She can make even the most dismal situation burst with some aspect of finding the humor. She brings laughter to my days when I thought I would find none.  I will never forget her huge offer to ride shotgun if ever I decide to take a road trip to kidnap my mother back home.  She gets the big heart award for that one in my eyes! Big hugs girl!

I am so glad it wasn't my job to pick the winners.  I thought about who I would vote for and there was no way I could have chosen.  You are all such beautiful, caring, amazing women I would have had to say you all win!

I don't know if all of you realize just how much you have brought to my life.  You help me find understanding when I think there is none, you help me find laughter even when the situation seems hopeless, you bring joy to my life when all I see are clouds.  Some of you bring me your wisdom, some memories of my own life, some tears and always, always support in my own life.

Often I wish some of you could have been born my sisters, even a few brothers, some of you my daughters.  I wish some of you were my neighbors right here at home.  BUT since that isn't possible you are ALL part of my heart!

I wish I could take away all your ills and sadness but sadly I can't. I would gladly fight your battles for you but instead I stand beside you and cheer you on.   All I can do is offer my ear to listen and let all of you know I am here for you. 

I am proud to say I have had the pleasure of peeking into your lives.  I am thankful that all of you have given me that honor of just being a small part of your day.  Big Hugs to all of you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Love,

MOM

My Dog Has Fleas

Ok...this is an all point bulletin.  My dog has fleas. Anyone who has a sure fire way to rid this pup of fleas please leave a comment....this MOM is at the end of her rope.

We have no idea where he got them but damn ...we need to get rid of them.  A few weeks ago we spotted a flea on Benny.  I went out bought all the artillery and set on my mission.  I treated the carpets and vacuumed.  I bathed all 3 dogs and treated them.  I added a flea spray for extra security and all looked well.  I even treated my entire yard.

Lo and behold Benny jumped in my bed this morning and I saw a big hairy flea.  I bathed him again today, treated the carpet and sprayed him down.  Tonight the hairy flea had a party right on Benny's belly.  This is war!!!!!!

I suspect he is getting them outside.  Our other neighbor has the same issue on her old dog who hardly ever goes outside.  We suspect them are coming from the neighbor's unkept yard.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  I'm counting on you ladies to pull me through this horrible flea attack!

An Italian Boy's Confession

The Driving Contract

We have a rule in our house.  In order to drive after getting a license you must sign a contract.  The terms are non-negotiable.  The punishment harsh.  I'm not taking any chances with their lives and neither are they.  Some parents may not agree....I will only say it works for us.

The terms are simple.  There will be NO DRINKING AND DRIVING EVER!  There will be NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING EVER!  If they are caught breaking these terms I have the right to repo their car and sell it.  I get to keep  any $$ from the sale of the car regardless of who paid for the vehicle.  There are no second chances and this is not negotiable.

Now while I'm not telling them it's okay to drink underage...I also don't live in lala land.  If they are older they will drink either behind your back or maybe even in front of you depending on their age.  If they drink while out with the car...they know they are to walk home, sleep where they are, get a ride with a sober person or call me to come get them.  No I won't appreciate being called at oh dark thirty in the middle of the night but I will appreciate the fact that they were responsible and didn't get behind the wheel of a car.  A parent cannot stress this enough.  They will not be punished for drinking even if they are underage but they will have to hear an earful and none of them want that!  When I'm mad they know it!

Now before anyone goes on the attack....I did say it works for us.  Not once has one of my kids drank alcohol and then drove home.  I have had to get up in the middle of the night on occasion to go fetch one of them but it wasn't at the hospital, police station or morgue.  They haven't abused it as of yet.  I'd say...my contract has done it's job and everyone is safe.

I know they shouldn't drink until they are 21 but let's face it some kids do.  I know I did.  I just want them to know drinking and driving has horrible consequences and if I can prevent my children from risking their lives and the lives of others then I will ...no matter what I have to do.

Think about it....be honest...have any of you ever drove after drinking?  Maybe not now but when you were younger?  Did any of you have a contract with your parents?  I'd really like to know.

It's a Boy

My niece had a baby boy on Tuesday, September 15th.  She delivered a 7lb. 13 oz. baby by C-section after a full day of labor.  How on earth the docs thought she could deliver that size baby I will never know.  Before she was pregnant she only weighed about 100 lbs and she's just a tiny little thing.  She is fine now and so is the baby.  The poor little guy had the cord wrapped around his neck twice so thankfully they decided to do the C-section or things could have turned out very differently.

She is now one of the nations many single parents.  As soon as she told the boyfriend she was pregnant he took off.  My brother told me he showed up in the final hour but didn't really say much.  Looks to me like his mother very much wants to be a part of the child's life and he came along at her request.

Now I may just be a jerk but if he doesn't want to participate 100% in the child's life I say she's better off without him.  My brother says every child deserves a Dad.  I say every child does deserve a Dad but only if he plans on being a committed Dad.  If he wants to be the guy who pops in and out of his life....I say get rid of him now!  A child needs committed parents and if it's only a Mom so be it.  She doesn't need the added crap that this guy can bring and neither does the child.

His mother said he'll do what he can.  I say that's not good enough....does my niece get that luxury?  I think not.  She has to do what needs to be done to provide for this baby. 

If she was my daughter I would have told her to talk to him and see if he's willing to be a committed father otherwise I would have told him to get lost.  I would have made him an offer to terminate his parental rights in exchange for him being released from any child support ever.

If she was your child what do you think you would do?

What sends You Over The Edge?

Lately I have been feeling a little overwhelmed.  I don't know if it's because school has started back up again or if it's the changing of the season or if there is another reason.  I do know that I feel like somedays I just want to explode.

I know I can't be the only one who starts thinking of that glass of wine before it's even 9AM.  Now don't get me wrong I don't drink at 9AM but if I drank every time I felt the urge to do it I'd be drunk pretty much at least 5 days a week when I poured the milk at breakfast!  In truth I hardly every drink.

There are some things that simply send us spiraling toward the edge and if they continue the outcome will be bad for all concerned.  Now I do see myself as a person who see the glass half full but there are some things that have me wanting to shove that glass somewhere and it's not the dishwasher!!

Personally seeing my sons dirty underwear on the bathroom floor causes me to whip out a long stick to pick it up and overdose on Lyson spray. Being the only person in a household of 8 who NEVER gets to sleep in is a bit annoying.  People who are envious of others makes me want to pinch them really hard. The number one thing that drives me nuts on a regular basis is trying to have a conversation with one of my family while they are watching TV and they refuse to turn it off or even mute the volume.

So to you my friends....what has been sending you over the edge lately?????

Who Do These Dogs Belong To???

I think these dogs belong to our very own Hannahbanana!  Hannah...you should take better care of your animals!

PERIOD PARTY

This Saturday is the big PERIOD PARTY at our house.  Aren't we lucky our daughter volunteered our house?

Several years ago my daughter and her friends promised each other (just about the time the first of them got her period) that when the last girl of the group got her period they would get together and celebrate with a period party.  Well the last girl got hers in July and its time for the party.

When Brianna approached me with the details of the party and the fact that it was at my house I looked at her like she was a little goofy.  She told me it would be her group of friends that used to be inseparable but have moved on to other groups.  They all still talk but different sports, different schools and so on have taken them on paths that don't always cross.  I shook my head and agreed to the party.  I just didn't realize what the party meant.

Seeing that I am the MOM I do on occasion check up on my children.  Don't want to be blindsided with information I didn't see coming.  That being said I occasionally hack her facebook and read her page.  The other day I read her messages and saw an entire thread regarding the "period party."

Seems I had no clue how much this party means to the girls especially mine.  2 of the girls don't get along these days.  One didn't want to come.  My daughter reminded all of them what they had all meant to one another not that long ago.  She reminded them of the promise that no matter if they went on different paths they would celebrate the milestones in life together and always be the rocks in each others lives.  They know each other through and through and they should be there for one another through life's rocky road.

I read her words and realized what a smart,loving, wonderful girl I have raised.  She went on to give 2 of the girls some sound advice on their current situations of losing their virginity and how they should hold their heads up high and chalk it up to a bad decision and move forward with different values.  She's currently voting for them to be born again virgins!LOL

She reminded all of them how much she loved and cared for them even though she doesn't get to see them as much as she'd like.  She told them all of them could count on her love and friendship forever and that she hoped they'd do the same.  She reminded them that in her heart they were all sisters.  Sisters who would forever share a bond of love and caring.

I am so stinking proud of my girl you have no idea.  She has a wonderful outlook on life and is so full of love and laughter.  She is celebrating all of them becoming young women.  She is celebrating the friendships she has formed with each of them and reminding all of them they are part of her family forever.  She is my girl!  My wonderful baby has grown up.  I am so glad she's mine.

So that being said we will be hosting the First Period Party of the neighborhood.  This shindig will be complete with 8 young women who I am so glad to know.  There will be T-shirts, decorations and all things beginning with P.  Pepsi, pizza, pringles, pretzels and pasta galore!

Sometimes it's not what it seems to be ...sometimes it's so much more!

MUST WATCH...THIS COULD SAVE COUNTLESS LIVES

Watch this video please!  It could save the lives of countless people.  If you have a teen or young adult in your home or even know one....MAKE them watch this video from beginning to end.

This is very graphic so if you have small children near you....please ask them to leave the room before watching.  I did MAKE all 7 of my children watch this....I love them too much to not let them see this!

What Pisses You Off?

The past few days I have found that more and more things have really pissed me off.  Life is hectic enough without all the bull that comes with it some days and I tend to get even more aggravated about things that really piss me off when I am stressed with work and trying to keep all these kids in line and moving.

My kids seem to be in hyper mode now that their summer is coming to an end.  It seems the older they are the worse they act.  When I ask someone to do something for the 5th time in a day I tend to get quite pissy about it!

I know I can't be the only one who gets pissed off...some of you must have something that sets you off like no other.

Lately my hub has been trying to go to the gym BEFORE work.  For him that means setting the alarm for 3:00AM.  It's fine that he wants to go the gym but does he really have to hit the damn snooze 15 times!!!  Don't the damn dogs get me up early enough?  So that being said ...it really pisses me off that often I am the only person getting up with that damn alarm along with the barking dogs.

Just a few of the things that set me off...."whatever Mom." (that's nothing more than a big F-U.) Bad directions, incomplete instructions, rude people, looking for my make-up and realizing one of the girls hi-jacked it, being the only one who knows how to change the toilet paper or is capable of seeing the trash can overflow and last but not least the fact that no one can tell me we have no milk and I have to venture out at O dark thirty to get some!

OK ladies...let it out...what really pisses you off?????

Urine or You're Out

Several of our friends were talking the other day about how unfair the welfare system seems to be to those of us who work.

Alot of people in this country have a job, they work, they get paid.  They pay taxes and then the government uses that money they way they think it should be used.  More and more in order to even get a job one must pass a random urine test.  My hub is in the roofer's union.  Some job sites require drug testing to even step foot on the site.  Some jobs sites require a criminal background check.  If you don't pass these tests there is no work for you and therefore no paycheck.  He doesn't really care that he has to do this but it led to a conversation that left us all wondering.

In order to have the priveledge of having hard earned dollars taxed you must pass a urine test and criminal check.  So in order to receive the hard earned dollars of others in the form of the welfare system shouldn't people have to pass the same tests?  Afterall isn't that only fair?  Even random stores where my kids apply for afterschool jobs have now made these tests part of the requirement for employment.

Please don't get me wrong.  I know there are circumstances where people have no other choice.  Times are tough especially now and sometimes welfare is the only thing keeping them above water.  Many over the years have had no other choice so they could feed their families and I totally understand this situation.

I am referring to the many people who are happy to sit on their butts collecting each month.  I am referring to some who only work the amount of hours that take them just under the welfare limits to still receive that check each month.  I am referring to the many who sit on their butts doing drugs and still receive the fruits of my labor.  Can you imagine how many people who would stop getting a check each month if they had to pass a urine test or worse yet a criminal check?  It certainly would free up alot of money for people who could pass that desperately need the money to survive.

A friend and I were talking recently about her sister who has been on welfare for over 18 years.  She works only enough on the books to make sure her checks are not cut off and then the boss pays her under the table.  Being on welfare she is entitled to lower rent on her apartment and only pays $300 a month for the same apartment that would be $900 a month for me.  She has only 1 child and she is now 18 yrs. old.  She didn't attend public school.  She attended a tuition based Catholic school and you and I helped to fund that education.  I can't afford Catholic school for my kids.  Is that fair?  She went to school to learn how to be an ultrasound technician on the state's dime...she finished and never pursued that line of work.  She has received assistance getting a car and paying the first year of insurance.  Who helped me?  She is a HUGE WEED SMOKER.  She wouldn't pass and therefore she would be bumped off welfare.  Amazing to me that she has enough to buy weed but not food and rent.

I know my hub's cousin didn't work on the books and collected welfare for at least 18 years or so.  Even when she married she didn't report it so that she could continue to base her qualification on solely her income.  Back when they still issued food stamps she often sold hers to fund her drug usage.  Her hub made over $60,000  a year before he started abusing drugs.  Is that fair to all of us?  I can tell you she got a $700 emergency welfare check the day before she died.  She took her kids out for new shoes and returned to the homeless shelter right after she bought the lethal amount of heroin she used later that night and never woke the hell up.  Maybe just maybe if someone threatened to cut off the funds if she was a drug user....maybe her life would have turned out differently......maybe I wouldn't be raising her daughters.

The conversation brewed for some time.  Is it fair to bust your butt to earn a living while SOME take advantage of the system in place to help those who need help?  Please again don't get me wrong many honest people do need help.  Those honest -non drug using people should be helped but what about the ones who abuse drugs and are willing to sit on their butts unwilling to help themselves?  Is it fair?

I know I don't have all the answers but maybe drug testing is a good place to start.  Requiring a recipient to be drug free doesn't seem like a lot to ask.  It certainly would free up some much needed money.

I know everyone must have an opinion.  I'd really like to hear what you think.  Again please don't think for one minute I'm saying honest hard working people who have no choice but to go on welfare are who I am referring to....you know me better than that.

And There She Goes....

As most of you know I get up very early every stinking morning courtesy of my 3 loving dogs.  Usually between 3 and 4AM they let out the bark that doesn't end till they see this MOM get her butt out of bed.  This morning I got a nice surprise.  My son, Billy, heard them (he was still up) and let them out of my room and out the back door for their morning bladder release.  I was thankful and surprised....he never does this.  I went back to bed.

I slept till 6AM when the littlest puppy licked my face and demanded attention.  Okay, okay...I'll get up and so I did.  Half asleep and moving on command I started down the steps.....and whoosh...away I went...from the top to the bottom! Dog ran right under my feet and that's all it took.   How graceful I must have looked sliding down the steps on my back and big butt.  Thankfully no camera's were out and no dogs were hurt.  My daughters came bounding out of their beds to see what the racket was and found good old MOM crumpled on the bottom steps.

I'd love to say no MOM was harmed in this stunt but I beat myself up a little and the bruises will be darling.  I stayed still for a moment and tried to get my big old butt up but that was a no go for a few moments.  My 16yr. old had to pull me up a little at a time and help me to a chair.  (Sitting isn't easy for me right now to say the least)  We both cried a few tears (I tried to hold them in but damn it was a long fall) and I sent her back to bed.

I am fine...a little bruised and sore as shit but I will live to see another day thankfully and nothing is broken although I doubted that for at least an hour.  One of the kids called my hub at work and told him to come home.  I spoke with him and told him I was fine and to stay where he was....Sat. is time and a half...nothing stands in the way of overtime.

By the time that man gets home the bruises will be brewing overtime as well.  I take 325 mg aspirin so that makes the bruising take place quite nicely.  Not sure if he'll believe I ONLY fell down 15 steps ....he's more apt to believe the kids knocked me on the floor and kicked the crap outta me....I look like a prize fighter who laid on the floor for target practice.

Oh well life goes on and football equipment and volleyball items must be purchased today.  My coupons expire at midnight and this MOM will not miss the sale!  I'm sure I'll look a little funny limping and walking as close to a stick as possible but the show must go on and afterall....MOMS must do their duty even under duress!

I have been threatening for days to try the "Jolly Rancher" drinks Mamabear suggested and tonight is the night ladies ...come hell or high water....I think I'm gonna need a few of those by tonight...this MOM's gonna be hurting and those might numb the pain for awhile!

Oh well all in the day of a MOM.  I have learned one lesson...look out for the dogs...sometimes they just love you too much!

Michael Vick Gets A Second Chance with the Eagles

The Philadelphia Eagles have signed Michael Vick to a 2 year contract!!!  This is a very hot topic in my house this morning as well as countless other households all over the US.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Michael Vick he pled guilty to dogfighting conspiracy Aug. 27, 2007.  He was sentenced to 23 months in federal prison.  He was released from federal custody on July 20, 2009.  Michael was an NFL quarterback before this crime but was suspended until July 27th of this year.  He can apply for full reinstatement in October.  Right now his reinstatement is conditional.

There are some who believe he has paid for his crime and done his time.  There are others who believe he should not be given this second chance to resume his football career after what he participated in .....the countless deaths of dogs , the countless dogs who were maimed all for the sake of making money in a huge dogfighting operation at one of his properties.

Andy Reid, the head coach for the Philadelphia Eagles has stated "I'm a believer that as long as people go through the proper procedures, they deserve a second chance."  (Andy's own 2 sons have spent time in prison on drug charges.)  He says "I've seen people close to me get a second chance.  People deserve a chance to prove they can change."

Philly is known as a huge sports city.  The fans are loyal and hardcore.  I'm not sure how many fans will line up to buy an Eagles Jersey with Michael Vick's name on it.  Not sure how many will be asking for his autograph.  I do know that hurting dogs to the degree this man did is horrible! 

This is a hard one for me.  I do believe in second chances but I am a true dog lover.  Personally I am having a hard time giving this man any chances after having seen the faces of those dogs who were maimed all for the sake of $$.  I'm not sure the Eagles did themselves any favors by signing this man.  There are going to be alot of Eagles fans who won't forgive him even if he was a very good football player.  One thing I know for sure....Philly fans don't hold back their opinions and the opinions will be flying on this one...at least for awhile.

What do you think?  Should Michael Vick be given a fair shake by the fans in Philly?  Should he get a second chance?  What about the fact he hurt so many innocent animals??

Does Your Man "Manscape"?

I was recently in the company of my 2 brothers at the same time.  This hasn't happened in years and I was surprised at the differences in their appearances. 

The older brother must not have seen the memo that says to trim and clean that mess up.  He must not have seen the memo that says as he ages hair will grow quickly everywhere but his head.  I couldn't resist calling it to his attention. (I am younger and it's part of my job to get on his nerves)

I called his attention to that thing above his eyes.  One thing...not two as was intended.  I asked him about the bushes growing out of his ears " how often do you water them to make them grow so full?"  (He didn't think I was as funny as my other brother thought I was.)  I asked my younger brother (who looks older than me) to explain the facts of manscaping to the old guy.  I mean really is he living in a cave??  The older one couldn't believe that the younger one trimmed and shaped the wild hairs until he actually noticed.  The younger one waxes his eyebrows, trims his nose hairs and according to his wife does not have an entire rain forest growing down south.  Now the older brother was just kind of looking at the younger one like he was a nut. The old guy asked him "Do you really trim the netherlands?"  The younger one just laughed and said "Your wife will think it looks bigger if she doesn't have to play hide and seek to find it."  We all had a good laugh and I'm willing to bet someone had a new pair of clippers by the next meet-up with the wifey!!

Now not that anyone really cares what my hub does but me BUT manscaping in this house is a priority.  I am married to an ITALIAN and those hairs seem to run wild.  Not only is there eyebrow waxing, nose hair trims, ear hair plucking and clean up of the south end but also underarm trims, back trims and front rug trims.  Otherwise the poor man would be wearing a hair sweater!!

Anyone else out there who has a manscaper living in their house???  Am I the only one it bothers??

Birthday Tears

As most of you know we are raising our niece Tayllor.  She has been with us for 7 years since her Mother died of a heroin overdose.  Although we love her and she loves us there is just some things we can't replace. 

August 8th was her 14th birthday and she always has a tough time on this day.  She so misses her mother.  She has always started the day off well but no matter how good the day goes she ends up crying about her Mom being gone.  I know it's hard on her.  She had a Mom, Dad, brother and sister at one time and the only one still in her life is her sister Angela.  She doesn't come around nearly as much since she moved in with her girlfriend.

Tayllor is really sad this year.  Yesterday was bad and today is even worse.  We've tried talking to her and trying to cheer her up but she just can't seem to shake the sadness.  I've tried always talking about her Mom in  a positive way but this year even I have struggled.

This year I want to just throttle her Mom but that's kind of hard to do to a dead woman.  This kid needs her Mom....she needs her Mom to help her and that is just not possible.

Now don't get me wrong...I'm here for Tayllor.  I love Tayllor but we don't have that mother/daughter thing going on.  She just can't.  We've talked about it...she feels if she loves me like a Mom then she betrays her own Mother.  I understand and I respect that.  Now my hub is another story ....she loves him like a Dad.  She doesn't remember her Dad too much and that makes it easy for her.  She absolutely adores him. 

I have spoken to Angela and strongly urged her to make time for Tayllor even if its a walk around the block.  She needs to be more hands on with her sister and it's time to step up to the plate.  This kid needs her.  The problem being Angela hasn't forgiven her Mother for all she put her through.  Being that she is much older than Tayllor she dealt with so much more over the years.  Angela and I do have the mother/daughter thing and so I have asked her to step up for Tayllor if only cause I have asked her to.   Hopefully this will do the trick!

If only I could shake her Mom up and ask her what the hell she was thinking taking drugs.  Why did she not fight the drugs enough to spend a lifetime with her babies???  I know they were just too strong and she couldn't fight anymore.  Hopefully someone in her life learned something from her death.  A very needless death...this is just one hurt even Aunt Mare can't fix.  All I can do is be here and help her up when she is ready.

I know she'll feel better in a few days.  She is usually a pretty happy kid but no kid deserves the pain of losing a parent at such a young age.  No kid deserves to watch her Mommy buried all because of drugs.

Sorry for the rant but damn it...I am so sick of parents being so selfish and using drugs.  The kids are the ones who pay in the end and they are defenseless against the outcome.

Just For A Laugh

Not for the Squeamish....

Seconds Before Death (chilling)

Warning!  Graphic Boating Photo.

This is a picture of a man with just seconds left to live.

  In case you can't read the caption...it says "Did you name it after me like you said you would?"

I'm thinking this man is gonna have a boat sticking out his butt in about 30 seconds....lesson learned...never tell a woman she has a big butt...just not smart!

(someone sent this to me...I don't know where it came from but I needed a good laugh!)

Can't Be Fixed With A Band Aid

I am a fixer.  That's just who I am.  I try to make things right or help people out and take away their hurts.  I just can't help myself.  This time I just can't fix it.....this one is over my head.

My younger brother has learned the hard way over the years about tough times.  He is married with 4 children and about to be a POP POP.  In the past year he has lost his business and his home.  He has bills out the wazoo and his credit is in ruins.  I can't fix this.  I can only listen.  That kills me.....he is my little brother afterall.  I should be able to help.

When he realized there was nothing more to do to save his business he worked his butt off even till the day they came and locked the doors.  He is a worker.  He said he owed it to his customers to make sure all the jobs were done and their cars were delivered.  He did just that!

When he realized he couldn't save his house ....he searched for a new home.  Very hard to get someone to rent to you when your credit is shot.  He contacted a realtor and finally found a home in the same school district for $2000.00 a month. A man can't be too picky with his credit rating and after time running out he had no choice. He paid the required $4500 security and the first months rent which he had to borrow from our other brother.   He didn't want his older kids uprooted from their high school.

Through his connections he landed a job within a day of losing his business selling cars. He learned quickly , worked hard and is now the number 2 salesman right behind a man who has been there 30 years.  In this economy this is a tough task for even an experienced salesman.  He drives 50 miles each way to work and works almost 90 hours a week.  His thoughts....his kids have to eat.  He can't let them down.

His wife works 2 part time jobs.  One in the cafeteria at the local school and one at Target.  The school job is vital since it provides medical benefits for the family.  She juggles an 8, 10, 17 and 18 year old and gets to work on time every day.

The stress of all this has taken its toll on all of them but particularly my brother and his wife.  They both look much older than their years and just downright beaten down yet they forge on....it's what we do when we have children.

My brother and I spoke just Sunday.  I attended his daughter's baby shower.  We hadn't seen one another in 2 years as he lives very far.  I asked him how I could help....he said me coming so far for his child....that was all he needed.  I asked how he was making it....he said "Mom and Dad told us as long as we have 2 good arms and 2 good legs we better use them so that's what I'm doing.  It could always be worse.  I'm a lucky man."

Yesterday I received a call from my older brother....seems my little brother's issues just got worse....the landlord hasn't paid the mortgage on the home in months and has no intentions of doing so.  A neighbor is friends with the owners and could not watch my brother and his family become homeless.  She told the truth.  The owner has no intentions of paying and doesn't care if the home is foreclosed on...he is getting a divorce.   Now my brother is working relentlessly to find out his rights as a tenant.  He will have to hire a lawyer he can't afford.  He will have to find a way or his family will be homeless again! 

It is beyond me....how can someone be so heartless?  How could someone do this to a family with children at that?  He knew my brother's situation and has just been pocketing the $$$ each month.  I'm not sure how much more my little brother can take but he will find a way....it's what our parents taught us to do.  I offered to let them live here with us....he thanked me and declined.  We live too far from all they know.  I believe he will find a way I just hope he will still be standing to see it.

The Big Snip

A few days ago I posted about a disgusting but serious issue with my dog's butt.  Fozzie (the butt victim) is feeling a little better but still on his meds.  Benny (the butt offender) has not backed off.  He is driving me crazy!!! 

Due to Benny's attitude change from the fun loving dog we had into the dog growling psycho that goes after our gentle giant Jake.  I have made the firm decision to get him snipped, neutered, made to sing like a chick etc.  Now I haven't slept much in the past week due to the chance he may strike.  He has calmed down with the attacks (he's not struck blood as of yet) but my nerves and Jake's nerves have had enough!  He has even nipped me if I got too close to the beloved butt he has come to claim as his territory.

I have been a woman on a mission since about 3AM.  I know my vet wanted to charge close to $300 for  this little guy....(made a MOM want to find the do it yourself instructions online BUT even I might have trouble with that) I checked the local animal SPCA and clinics online and started making calls @ 8AM.  One would do it for $175 next Tuesday...that's good but I thought I could do better.  One humane society clinic said $180 in 2 weeks..when I balked at the wait they said July 29th...still too long.  Then I explained my story.  As luck would have it...I was talking to a volunteer vet and he has an opening in his private practice 3PM this afternoon.  I asked the price...$180.  Well seeing that I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul this week and I have 2 kids who need sneakers before child welfare visits me....I took a chance and pled my case again.  Low and behold...my prayers were answered....Benny will become a SNIPPED doggie this afternoon @ 3PM for $120 smackeroonies!  Thank the heavens.  And the vet is only 3 miles from here instead of the humane society's 10.  He can be picked up @ 7PM to come home for some tender loving calm care!!!!

Now don't get me wrong...I'm not taking him to a backyard clinic but it didn't hurt to plead my case and beg for a quick appointment.  Maybe this is just what Benny needs and me too!  He wasn't planning on becoming a Daddy....he's gonna stay single so really it's better for all of us in the long run.  Just another reason for my hubby to tell me admire my bargaining skills and repay me with the due admiration I so deserve. Haha.  My son told me "You da man MOM."  Ahhh the praise of one's family....Now let's see how much little Benny is loving me later tonight when he realizes his little kahonies/giggleberries are nothing but ornaments from here on out!

By the way....if you are thinking of neutering an animal there are organizations on the web that can point you to discount coupons.  I went to www.spayandsave.  They provide you with a list of area vets who will accept lower payments done through a donation.

Seeking Part Time Job To Pay for Graduation Parties!

Now that we are almost through this graduation season I was wondering just how many of you have been in the same boat as I have been this year.  HOW MUCH MONEY TO GIVE AS A GIFT TO THE GRADUATE?????

The typical graduation season starts in May and rolls for months till all the parties are done.  Some choose to get them done right away and some choose to give people a breather and hold off till the end of July and even August.  Now don't get me wrong I love a good grad party and I believe we should all celebrate the good news...afterall they earned it!  My dilemma has been just how much money do I give?  How much is enough?  How much is appropriate?  Do I give more if it's family?  Does the amount of years I've know the family or child make a difference in the amount?  What if only adults are invited?  What if only the teenager who's friend it is gets invited?  What if I just don't have it?  How the heck am I coming up with all this money?

Seeing that I'm at that stage in my life when alot of our friends children have graduated this year we have had a run on grad parties and my hub is starting to think one of us needs a part time job just to give gifts!  I've already had 3 kids graduate high school in recent years (thankfully no one this year) and have 4 more to go and then we'll have college grads in there too!

This conversation came up after a recent college grad party for a friend's child.  We had only met her once.  One woman said she only gave $25 ...it's what she could afford that week.  I gave slightly more.  Another felt she had to give more since her and the Mom are good friends.

We have one more grad party to attend.  (we've attended at least 6 this year + what our kids have attended on their own )  I still owe graduation gifts to 2 nieces who didn't have parties at all.  Their parents were smart and just gave them the money a party would have cost them.  We have decided we are giving what we think we can afford this week.  Not sure how that will go over...you might hear rumors about me being cheap next week but at least I won't regret that I spent the milk money.

Times are tough for all of us and I'm hoping our friends understand that...if not there is nothing I can do.  While I would like to give $100 I will be giving $50.  That has to be enough and really that's pushing it.....at least this week.

How much do all of you give for graduations?  How the heck do you decide how much to give?  I'm looking forward to hearing what all of you have to say.......

Did You Really Eat That?

My almost 19 year old son called me last night (after I was asleep) from his vacation down the shore with a group of his friends.  He wasn't feeling good and wanted to know what he could do to feel better quickly.  

Now being a mom far away from your child no matter what the age is hard but being away from your SICK CHILD is just a tad more than I can stand. I tend to worry when they are away.  Afterall I am the MOM and I can fix anything right???

The conversation went something like this:

me: What's the matter with you?  Do you need me to come get you?

son: Oh Mom my stomach hurts so bad and when I go the bathroom my butt feels like its on fire. No I don't want you to come...I should be alright by tomorrow.

me: Can you get some Pepto bismol or maybe a flat can of coke?

son: no I can't drink that Pepto stuff...it'll make me throw up and I don't want to be doing that...there's some hotties here and who wants to hook up with a dude that's puking.

me: okay try the coke...get a bottle-shake it up and let the fizz out...try that and see if it works ...as far as your butt...put some cream on it or take a dip in the ocean.  Do hotties like dudes who use desitin?

son: Funny Mom.  Come on ....

me: What the heck were you eating...could something you ate have made you feel so sick?

son:  I had some chicken wings awhile ago...maybe that's it. 

me: what kind of chicken wings? (now I'm thinking)

son: you know hot wings...this place had wings called "ass burners" and it seemed like a dare so I ate 20 of them.

Okay so now you get where I am going with this...first of all 20 hot wings called "ass burners" and he wants to know why his butt is on fire and his stomach hurts???? 

I told him to try the coke or ginger ale and to enjoy his night in the bathroom.  I thanked him for waking me up for his self inflicted butt issues and told him I'd be sure to call @ 4AM to discuss my bathroom issues with him!  I called this morning and his phone goes right to voicemail. 

This kid is smart...really smart but I am left to wonder if the male species leaves their brains in their suitcases when in a pack of other males.  When it comes to some things they think, when it comes to acting like an idiot with a pack of friends their brain tells them they can do it!  This MOM will feel no remorse about this incident. 

All the males in this house pride themselves on being able to consume really hot hot chicken wings ...almost like a contest on who is the dumbest as far as I'm concerned.  I'd have to say this son has to be the winner to date!  Who eats "ass burners" and then wonders why he feels sick?  I guess this is just a testament to honest advertising and my son is going to have to learn the hard way!

I'm sure some of you have dumb men stories of them thinking they have an iron stomach....when will they learn?

Road Trip to the Red Shield Shelter

Good Morning Everyone,

As most of you know last month during the Philly Phreak some of us had the opportunity to meet some wonderful ladies of the Salvation Army Red Shield Family Residence here in Philadelphia.  We dropped off a van load of donations and picked up 3 of the women for dinner.  We all enjoyed the time we spent with them and maybe even learned a few things from the lovely ladies.  At the end of our visit we hugged and told them we would not forget them.

They have all been on my mind since that day and I sent out an email upon my return to all my contacts that there would be another visit to the shelter and donations of gently used items are diapers were vital for these women.  The response has been wonderful.  My garage is overflowing thanks to all these generous souls.  We all heard that diapers have been in short supply so they are rationed.  That alone is enough to break anyone's heart. 

Right now I have no choice but to make the road trip once again-- my garage is packed and the hubby is getting restless not being able to get to his tools!  I know it's short notice but if any of you PNN'ers would like to join me on the road trip it will take place this Sunday, July 19th.  I'm not sure but right now it's looking like this will be a two vehicle donation drop.  I don't think everything will fit in my van this time. I am happy to report there are cases upon cases of diaper of all sizes in my garage!  A local brownie troop of 8 yr. olds dropped off 10 cases.  They took the money the troop made from their cookie sales and purchased diapers for the shelter!  My 16 yr. old donated $50 from her birthday money to buy diapers--that child makes me proud. Another woman is stopping here Saturday....her whole office has been collecting diapers!!  I am in awe at the love in so many hearts!

I have spoken to Mrs. Brotherton and alerted her that we will be coming.  I told her I would get back to her by Friday and let her know if we would be taking some of the ladies out for lunch.

Again I apologize for the short notice and it is understandable if you can not make it this time.  I thought I could put it off a few more weeks but I simply am running out of room!

I will make sure they know all of you send your warm wishes.

Butt Protector Wanted

I never thought in a million years I would spend my days and nights protecting a dog's butt but here I am doing just that! I am now a member of the BUTT POLICE.

I have been forced to humiliate and insult my poor dog Fozzie by making him wear a pair of shorts to protect his poor butt from my other 2 disgusting butt  licking hounds.  It has been a couple of rough days for all of us but particularly the 3 dogs and I.  We are all exhausted.

Several days ago my 2 other dogs Jake (3yr. old lab) and Benny (1 yr old cockapoo) took a shining to my poor old guy Fozzie's butt(13 yr. old lab)  They haven't given the old guy a moments rest with all their gross licking.  Tuesday it hit a high mark when Benny actually went after Jake over Fozzie's butt.  I had to lock him up so I could take the girls to softball.  Wednesday morning Benny again went after Jake 2x and I had to pull him off the boy guy!

I had an idea it was a gland issue but looked it up on the internet anyway.  Yes indeed...anal glands have issues too!  Seemed like this could be it so I called the vet asap and took him over.  Now I will spare all of you the graphic process he undertook but I will tell you it is absolutely stinking gross!  The process was performed by the tech since the vet wouldn't be in till 4.  I had to take him back at 4 for the vet to see him and indeed he has anal gland issues that are highly infected.

The vet explained that the gland gives off a scent ....thus being the reason dogs say hello to one another by sniffing their butts.  When the glands are infected they just keep giving off the scent and attract other dogs. Thus being my damn problem with my other hound dogs!!

Fozzie is on meds and it should clear up in a few days but until then I  have to guard him from the grosso dogs to keep his butt safe!  That wouldn't be so bad but Benny is getting mean with Jake and literally going after him.  This has never happened before--they are buds.  So after an exhausting day playing guard to a butt I cut off a pair of sweatpants and made Fozzie a pair of butt protectors so that no one can get to it.  I still have to hold a newspaper in my hand at all times and warn Benny to back off but Jake was turned off by the shorts--must not be his color!

Benny is driving me crazy with all this ....his attacks have not been nice and I am worried he will bite one of the kids.  He nipped me last night when I tried to get him to back off.  I told all the kids to stay away from him.  We'll see what today holds for Benny...he may find himself under lockdown again or he may find his name on Craigslist under FREE DOG!  I love him dearly but I can't have the kids or Jake being bitten by a ball of fluff!

So here I sit on 4 hours sleep once again protecting the butts in this house and keeping calm in our kingdom!  Anyone who would like to apply for the job just give me a call...I could use the rest.    

  (Irshkate suggested Depends to keep the other dogs away. So being the good sport he is this is my son trying to show the dog it's not too bad!--what we don't do for our pets!) (this one will definitely show up in a wedding video one day!)